My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.

One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.

So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".

Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.

πŸ‘︎ 406
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
Why did the chickens buy a memory foam mattress?

Because they were no spring chickens.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlappyWhite54
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I just slept on a memory foam mattress for the first time

it made a great first impression.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxbrickem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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It finally happened! I bought memory foam shoes. Now I'll remember what I walked in the other room for.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudleysdad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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A bad memory foam mattress?

They call that a "forget-it mattress" instead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchellbaggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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One of my friends was visiting and he really liked my new memory foam pillow, so much so he offered to buy it

I told him "I don't know, I need to sleep on it"

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Abdul
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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What does an old memory foam mattress have?

Dementia

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reallycoolalien
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I was barred from a recent foam-firing toy tournament for lighting my darts on fire.

They didn't approve of my scorched nerf policy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gralatus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Why did John's bed have two layers of memory foam?

In case the first one forgets.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uniquenesss
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
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Memory foam pillows are garbage.

I have been sleeping on one for years and it hasn't helped me remember anything.

Courtesy of my mom's coworker...

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrokenCankle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2016
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Memory Foam Pillows

Dad: Check this out, memory foam pillows.

Me: How are they? I was thinking of getting some for myself.

Dad: They are pretty terrible...

Me: How so?

Dad: I still can't remember where I left my car keys.

ಠ_ಠ

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neoko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
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Memory Foam Does Not Work

My dad was helping me move today. I pulled the memory foam off of my mattress to make it more manageable and my dad asks, "What is that?" I told him and he quickly replied "Who was your first grade teacher?" Me being unable to answer he said with great satisfaction, "See, it doesn't work!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maverickish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
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Shouldn’t breast implants . . .

Be made of mammary foam?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomoz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
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I personally witnessed Roseanne purchasing a new Tempur-Pedic mattress.

That’s one memory foam I bet wishes it could forget.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gointobeathell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from my high school keep flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the extraterrestrial who was studying to become a Starbucks barista?

E.T. hone foam.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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I tried to cook dinner for my wife, but I accidentally added washing soda instead of baking soda.

She’s foaming at the mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
This puns soap
πŸ‘︎ 310
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spookyAGENT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I got some shaving cream that helped me pass my exams

It's called my smart foam

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pndaberrybruh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is mad at me because I didn’t know the difference between washing soda and baking soda.

It left her foaming at the mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
One of my boy scouts asked me, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Baristas can use bubble-y cream to draw amazing shapes on top of your drink.

Foam is where the art is.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterBigDude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of hats do beers wear?

Bottle caps

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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What did the ceiling fan say?

WOOHOO! YEAH NO. 1! GO CEILING!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe_Tapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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Just happened at work.

Coworker was cutting slots into foam for different tools in the toolbox shelves. He was almost done when he realized he forgot the tape measure. When he went to find a place for it, he said it looks like it would be a tight fit. I looked at him and said "looks like you need to remeasure".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwardell42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my three-year-old, no one got it.

We were at a kid's birthday party, and there was a play mailbox. She opened it, and pulled out a big foam letter "T". I said, "Hey look, someone sent you a letter!"

Neither she nor any of the other parents got it. (Or at least let on that they did.)

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zarx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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Me telling my son a bedtime story

"It was solid mahogany, with memory foam and I had just worked 12 hours and.."

SON " WRONG TYPE OF BEDTIME STORY DAD!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TightMysticmike
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Just hit my girlfriend with this one. Not even a dad but I'm preparing myself for the day.

My girlfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. I put my head on her chest.

ME: Your boobs make good pillows. HER: Yea they are pretty soft. ME: Are they made of mammary-foam?

She paused for a moment before groaning and eventually giving it a good chuckle. So proud.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no_cow_level
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
🚨︎ report
The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Was awarded a glare from my wife this morning

When making her morning coffee, she was telling me all about this new vanilla creamer in a foaming spray can she bought last night. I quickly identified my prey and pounced.

 

"Well... when you try it, I hope you like it a latte."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paul_Cinnabunyan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Post Grocery Shopping Dadjoke

My dad literally just came out with this one. Mum and dad have just come back from shopping, and my brother had asked for shaving foam/gel. So mum says "I forgot to get you any mousse." And dad comes out with "She got you a musk ox instead." Groans were definitely heard.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/izzylovesian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Used daughter to get wife with this one

I was giving my daughter a bath, she has foam letters and numbers in the bath with her. I put the number 4 on her head and say "Hey wife, check out her 4 head."

Got a groan then she took a picture to share.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilpaul
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad got mum good today

Mum - I need a new memory foam pillow, this one is going flat

Dad - it must have Alzheimer's

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malt-stick88
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend knows how to dad joke.

Son: I remember laying in mommy and daddys bed last night.

Her: Well of course. It's memory foam.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gscskater4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad said he got me icecream...

He handed me this bowl of ice-cream and it ended up being hardened "Great Stuff" insulation foam covered in chocolate.

Typical Dad prank....

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yetti35
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad fancies himself an inventor and a comedian.

He was helping me pack for college. As he's carrying my memory foam mattress topper, he turns to me and says "New invention idea, breast implants made from memory foam. We'll call it Mamory Foam!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crepe_Cod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Just got dad-joked by my coworker (who happens to be a dad)...

"I bought a memory foam pillow once, but I forgot where I put it."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrm395
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all my embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report

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