I hope this is not a bed pun
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
What does James Bond do before he goes to bed?
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
What does jeff bezos do before bed?
What do you call a person with epilepsy laying on a bed of lettuce?
A hotel just offered me a job making beds...
I think I'll turn them down.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the fuck is my roof ?
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
(Courtesy of my 6 year old.)
Want to make your water bed bouncier.....
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
What does Wonder Woman do before she goes to bed?
Dad: *Watching cop show with daughter late at night* Dad: Time for bed kiddo! Daughter: I’m not tired yet though!
Dad: Pretending to be a dispatcher Yeah, she’s resisting arrest
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
I replaced our bed with a king-sized trampoline.
When she finds out, my wife is going to hit the roof.
I woke up last night too the ghost of Gloria Gaynor by my bed
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
One of my friends slipped in the bed of his truck and knocked himself out....
(On The Spot Joke) My Partner was in bed cracking her back and asked.....
“Hey can you hear my back crack”
I replied “yea can you hear my ass crack” then proceeded with the filthiest fart known to man
Absolute crack up. Hahahahahah even she laughed
My boss told me I had to stay at home for 2 weeks after my wife bought me an espresso in bed this morning.
I mean, I only told him I woke up with a little coffee.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Friend: “You told me you were interesting, but you’re literally always in bed”
Me: “I said I was INTO RESTING!”
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....
MY DAUGHTER KEPT COMPLAINING FOR DAYS ABOUT A MONSTER UNDER HER BED
So I drank it and told her to stop hiding cans😤
What does the hulk wear to bed?
I overheard my wife complaining to her friends that I don’t last long enough in bed.
So I started taking melatonin. It helps.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed.
It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed,
Your nose is touching the ceiling
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?
I tuck my suitcase into bed at night.
Turn your sofa into a sofa bed....
....by simply forgetting your wife's birthday.
I told my 7 year old daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
What does Jeff Bezos do before bed?
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed ?
Because, it would blow his cover.
How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Why did bicycle go to bed early? Because it was two-tired
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to bed?
My wife suggested we should try some role reversal in bed....
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?
Because it would blow his cover
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