This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food.

I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle
📅︎ May 20 2020
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If there was a caffeine tax...

Would you call it a cof(fee)?

Get it? a fee, but coffee?

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👤︎ u/ThisKid713
📅︎ Aug 23 2019
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What do you call someone who got a caffeine addiction from someone else?

A coffee cat.

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👤︎ u/MistyHusk
📅︎ May 17 2019
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I didn't think caffeine would give me a sore throat...

... but every time I have it I get coffee.

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👤︎ u/ADogNamedPal
📅︎ Jun 03 2019
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Just need some caffeine pep

"One coffee please."
"I'm sorry, our coffeemachine is broken. How about a tea?"
"No thanks, I need some caffeine. Some pep see?"
"How about a Coca Cola?"

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👤︎ u/Martijngamer
📅︎ Jul 16 2018
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Giving up my caffeine addiction wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.

But I finally got it down to a tea.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Oct 08 2018
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I had a Red Bull after my coffee today, I didn’t need the caffeine.

I guess that makes it a Red Bull without a cause.

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👤︎ u/cam956
📅︎ Aug 14 2018
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That new caffeinated water should be renamed as H2Joe
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👤︎ u/maryclaireee7
📅︎ Jul 16 2019
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Should milk be considered a soda/pop?

I mean it is a calf-einated beverage.

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📅︎ Sep 20 2020
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Anything put in this cup will be Caffeinated
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👤︎ u/BadWolv
📅︎ Mar 06 2018
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After mispreparing some guy's caffeinated drink, the barista asked me if I wanted it, on the house, while he remade the order. Of course I accepted.

I am not one to refuse charry tea.

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📅︎ Oct 24 2018
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Why did the coffee taste like mud?

Because it was just ground this morning

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👤︎ u/LeodardoDicaprio
📅︎ Oct 14 2015
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Are there any rules against making wordplay involving kids?

Everyone has to be careful with child punography these days.

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👤︎ u/Spotted_Lady
📅︎ Apr 04 2018
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The production staff of Car Talk at NPR
  • Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs

  • Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov

  • Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide

  • Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore

  • Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe

  • Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood

  • Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass

  • Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout

  • Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder

  • Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing

  • Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors

  • Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz

  • Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff

  • Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer

  • Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket

  • Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales

  • Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz

  • Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz

  • Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive

  • Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall

  • Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov

  • Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods

  • Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy

  • Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling

  • Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot

Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits

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👤︎ u/IcedPyro
📅︎ Jan 20 2016
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A fella with a chemical symbol tattoo

I asked him what chemical it was.

"Caffeine" was his reply.

It was only polite to apologize for my inquisitiveness: It would have kept me up all night trying to work it out.

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📅︎ May 07 2014
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Store Manager dadjoked me the other day.

I work at Speedway, and I was stocking coffee creamers, when this exchange went down;

Me: "Hey, do we have any more of that Stok creamer in the back?"

Him: "Nah, we're actually... out of Stok."

Me: "Get out."

Note: He has a 3 month-old daughter now, so I guess I should get used to it.

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👤︎ u/RenlyIsTheFury
📅︎ Apr 10 2015
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