Last night I had a dream that I ate a 50 lb marshmallow.

This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.

Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/james-macavoy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I dream to be this commenter one day.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dvarka124
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...

Will beheading there tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVengefulKitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I had this dream, where I was floating in this ocean made up of orange soda

Turns out it was just a Fanta sea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..

It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What did Mariah Carey say when her boyfriend bought her an undeveloped property so they could build their dream house?

I don’t want a lot for Christmas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.

But that sort of thing stick in your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory

I’ll beheading there shortly

Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jk72788
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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A wet dream is actually a dream cum true
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nervoussystem66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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When You Dream

When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0U5N3YF4N
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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I had a terrible dream where I was being chased by a female horse after sunset.

It was a night mare.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Sweet dreams are made of cheese.

Who am I to dis-a-brie?

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.

He has lofty ambitions.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:

Annette.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Had a dream yesterday. It was year 2021, There was a new pandemic of stomach flu...

We all had to wear diapers and we quickly recognised that masks in 2020 were not that bad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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I had this crazy dream where I was completely weightless...

I was like 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....

The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.

My wife said, β€œWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?”

Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Kip Adotta- Wet Dream youtube.com/watch?v=6l1Gv…
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InexactDuplicate
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I had a dream where I thought I was in a trigonometric function of an angle...

I thought I was in-sine!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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I recently pursued my dream career of becoming a very successful plagiarizer.

I tried, but I didn't make it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Last night, I had a dream that I had discovered a new color.

But it just turned out to be a pigment of my imagination.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Long-Afternoon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I finally found my dream job

Oneiromancy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/usculler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT I KNIGHTED AN ELECTRIC FISH.....

IT WAS SIR EEL

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Finally got married to the woman of my dreams from Czechoslovakia.

Czech Mate!

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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My wife left her position as a Geologist to pursue her dream as a tennis coach...

...She went from studying faults to double-faults.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 376
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YostYost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Today I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram

I was like 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I had a dream that I was a muffler last night

I woke up exhausted!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I had a dream I was a muffler last night.

and I woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimonHaddad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I had a strange dream last night that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I ate a twenty pound marshmallow.

I woke up this morning and my pillow was gone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crank740
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I had a dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow

When I woke up my pillow was gone

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I had a dream that I was a muffler

I woke up exhausted

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadlyporkchop7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda

It was a Fanta Sea

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Had a dream that I was a tailpipe last night

I woke up exhausted

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I had a dream that I was a muffler...

I woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paulie_i_yt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Sweet dreams are made of cheese.

Who am I to diss a brie?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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I had a dream last night that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarris5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I had a dream that I was weightless

I was like 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recovery_room
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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