Last night I was dreaming I was swing in a ocean of Fanta...

but turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WWG_Genius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor I keep dreaming I've turned into a wigwam or a teepee.

He said, "You're too tense".

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you drink while dreaming?

FANTAsy.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lumbertoast89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"

The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend sits around all day dreaming of making bread.

He's emotionally kneady.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I slept horribly. I kept dreaming I was a Catalytic Converter.

I woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OilPhilter
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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I keep dreaming this horse is trying to kill me.

She’s a nightmare

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Just woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming I was floating in an Ocean of Orange Soda.

Then I realized it was just a Fanta Sea.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night, I kept dreaming that I've written "The Lord of the Rings."

My wife said I've been Tolkien in my sleep.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klitzklein
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Doctor, I keep dreaming I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. What's wrong?

That's easy, you're two tents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Deetz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my wife was dreaming she was a snore-boarder.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellaMajestic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I keep dreaming about bad Indian food.

It's a recurrying nightmare.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
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Last night I had a dream that I ate a 50 lb marshmallow.

This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.

Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.

πŸ‘︎ 256
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πŸ‘€︎ u/james-macavoy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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I dream to be this commenter one day.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dvarka124
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream that I invented a new color

But when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...

Will beheading there tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg!

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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In a dream I was being chased by a trillion male cows...

...it was terabull.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BXCellent
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I would love to get paid to sleep.

It would be a dream job.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
From my 7 yr just now: Dad, last night I dreamed I was swimming in orange soda.

Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I dreamed I met a long snake-like fish who had been knighted by the queen.

It was Sir Eel.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Jean-Pierre’s dream of meeting an Extra-Terrestrial finally came true. His first question for the alien was...

You must be from Mars, eh?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/granquist04
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..

It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What did Mariah Carey say when her boyfriend bought her an undeveloped property so they could build their dream house?

I don’t want a lot for Christmas.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory

I’ll beheading there shortly

Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jk72788
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.

But that sort of thing stick in your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.

She said, β€œWhat would you do when you finally see it?”

I said, β€œI’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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A wet dream is actually a dream cum true
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nervoussystem66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

πŸ‘︎ 266
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Sweet dreams are made of cheese.

Who am I to dis-a-brie?

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a terrible dream where I was being chased by a female horse after sunset.

It was a night mare.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.

He has lofty ambitions.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:

Annette.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a dream yesterday. It was year 2021, There was a new pandemic of stomach flu...

We all had to wear diapers and we quickly recognised that masks in 2020 were not that bad.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I had this crazy dream where I was completely weightless...

I was like 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....

The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean of orange soda last night.

It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman

But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehFuriousKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"

The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Patient to therapist: "Doc, I keep dreaming of a wigwam; then a teepee. Then a wigwam, then a teepee."

Therapist: "Obviously, you're just two tents."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAsberger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I couldn't sleep last night because I kept dreaming about engines..

I woke up exhausted

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilbude
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVengefulKitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 373
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YostYost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I had this dream, where I was floating in this ocean made up of orange soda

Turns out it was just a Fanta sea

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram

I was like 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 213
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I had a dream that I was a muffler last night

I woke up exhausted!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
When You Dream

When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0U5N3YF4N
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream I was a muffler last night.

and I woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimonHaddad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a strange dream last night that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Dreamed I Was a Muffler Last Night

Woke up exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstrosAtoZ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night I had a dream that I ate a twenty pound marshmallow.

I woke up this morning and my pillow was gone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crank740
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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