Last night I was dreaming I was swing in a ocean of Fanta...
but turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I told my doctor I keep dreaming I've turned into a wigwam or a teepee.
He said, "You're too tense".
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︎ Jan 19 2021
What do you drink while dreaming?
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︎ Dec 25 2020
A man bursts into his therapist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming I'm stuck inside a deck of cards!"
The therapist looked up from his paperwork and said, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
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︎ Nov 17 2020
My friend sits around all day dreaming of making bread.
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︎ May 25 2020
I slept horribly. I kept dreaming I was a Catalytic Converter.
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︎ May 07 2020
I keep dreaming this horse is trying to kill me.
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︎ Dec 03 2019
Just woke up in a cold sweat after dreaming I was floating in an Ocean of Orange Soda.
Then I realized it was just a Fanta Sea.
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︎ Oct 07 2019
Last night, I kept dreaming that I've written "The Lord of the Rings."
My wife said I've been Tolkien in my sleep.
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︎ Mar 13 2019
Doctor, I keep dreaming I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. What's wrong?
That's easy, you're two tents.
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︎ Apr 20 2019
I think my wife was dreaming she was a snore-boarder.
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︎ Jan 18 2019
I keep dreaming about bad Indian food.
It's a recurrying nightmare.
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︎ Feb 13 2016
Last night I had a dream that I ate a 50 lb marshmallow.
This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.
Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I dream to be this commenter one day.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
I had a dream that I invented a new color
But when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...
Will beheading there tomorrow.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
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︎ Feb 03 2021
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
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︎ Sep 01 2020
In a dream I was being chased by a trillion male cows...
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︎ Jan 31 2021
I would love to get paid to sleep.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
From my 7 yr just now: Dad, last night I dreamed I was swimming in orange soda.
Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I dreamed I met a long snake-like fish who had been knighted by the queen.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Jean-Pierreβs dream of meeting an Extra-Terrestrial finally came true. His first question for the alien was...
You must be from Mars, eh?
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︎ Jan 24 2021
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..
It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
What did Mariah Carey say when her boyfriend bought her an undeveloped property so they could build their dream house?
I donβt want a lot for Christmas.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
Iβll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
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︎ Jun 16 2020
I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.
But that sort of thing stick in your mind.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, βIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!β
I replied, βI'm on the toilet, please adviseβ¦β
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︎ Jun 15 2020
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, βWhat would you do when you finally see it?β
I said, βIβll cross the bridge when I get there.β
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︎ Dec 06 2020
A wet dream is actually a dream cum true
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︎ Dec 10 2020
A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder
Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.
"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."
"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."
The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
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︎ Nov 13 2020
I had a terrible dream where I was being chased by a female horse after sunset.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Had a dream yesterday. It was year 2021, There was a new pandemic of stomach flu...
We all had to wear diapers and we quickly recognised that masks in 2020 were not that bad.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
I had this crazy dream where I was completely weightless...
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︎ Sep 30 2020
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....
The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman
But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income
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︎ Nov 28 2020
A patient bursts into his therapist's office and shouts, "Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I'm trapped in a deck of cards!"
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
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︎ Mar 09 2020
Patient to therapist: "Doc, I keep dreaming of a wigwam; then a teepee. Then a wigwam, then a teepee."
Therapist: "Obviously, you're just two tents."
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︎ Apr 16 2018
I couldn't sleep last night because I kept dreaming about engines..
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︎ Aug 30 2017
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
I had this dream, where I was floating in this ocean made up of orange soda
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Today I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram
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︎ Nov 23 2020
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night
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︎ Dec 08 2020
When You Dream
When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I had a dream I was a muffler last night.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I had a strange dream last night that I was a muffler.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Dreamed I Was a Muffler Last Night
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︎ Nov 13 2020
Last night I had a dream that I ate a twenty pound marshmallow.
I woke up this morning and my pillow was gone.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
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