Last night, I kept dreaming that I've written "The Lord of the Rings."
My wife said I've been Tolkien in my sleep.
I had a dream that I wrote Lord Of The Rings.
I guess I was Tolkien in my sleep.
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
An old man owned a dolphin and some children asked him why. The old man smiled and said, "When I was younger, my dreams were crushed, so I bought the dolphin because..."
"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...
Will beheading there tomorrow.
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
I've always hated the song "Sweet Dreams"
But who am I to disagree?
If “a dream is a wish the heart makes...”
Does that make a fart a nightmare of the stomach?
I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper
I dreamed I met a long snake-like fish who had been knighted by the queen.
Jean-Pierre’s dream of meeting an Extra-Terrestrial finally came true. His first question for the alien was...
You must be from Mars, eh?
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.
But that sort of thing stick in your mind.
My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
A man who loved to catch butterflies married the woman of his dreams:
My dream of becoming the first professional boxer/pirate were crushed....
The boxing commission said my right hook was illegal.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
Finally got married to the woman of my dreams from Czechoslovakia.
I once had a dream about the future
There was milk in the fridge
I went to the doctor, told him I keep having these dreams I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. Teepee then a wigwam. What's wrong with me, I asked.
Oh, that's easy, said the doctor: you're two tents. (too tense)
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.
I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.
I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...
I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.
Weird dream
I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that I was a muffler and......I woke up exhausted.
Woke up with this joke from a dream I had last night. “What personality trait is the most cleansing?”
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, “1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.”
“It was quite a hectic evening.”
The other night, I had a dream about being chased by an armored horse.
It's my dream to become the CEO of Subway, if for no other reason than to get rid of the horrible job title "Sandwich Artist."
I just feel like they need a more accurate job title, like Sub Humans.
Just some puns
1: I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
2: Can February March? No, but April May.
3: I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
4: Never trust an atom, they make up everything!
5: I made a pun about the wind but it blows.
6: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
7: What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee!
8: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink!
9: I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii
I told my daughter, “Its always been my dream to walk you down the aisle.”
She said, “Dad, we are grocery shopping.”
Why was the man at the barbecue so happy?
He met the grill of his dreams
Last night, I had a dream that I wrote the Hobbit.
Apparently I was Tolkien in my sleep
I tried to tell me wife about a dream I had where I was weaving the hair of the Philadelphia Flyer's mascot into intricate braids...
She was disgusted, and told me she didn't want the Knit-ty Gritty details.
My Dad showed me a picture of him at a REM concert "Look" he said.
That's me in the corner...
EDIT. Sorry that was just a dream
I had a terrible dream the other night that I was a tail pipe... I could barely sleep.
A man was walking along a stream..
... when he noticed that every shoot growing put of the ground was a four leaf shamrock. There were millions of them, spread out along both banks.
Being superstitious, the man assumed the place must be somehow imbued with an extraordinary amount of luck.
He sought out the owner of the land, and promptly bought it, spending everything he had to do so.
His plan was to build a small house at the site and thereby ensure he would be surrounded by good fortune for the rest of his life.
Sadly, while lifting smooth river stones to create the foundation of his dream home, he slipped on some mud, hit his head on a stone, was knocked unconscious, tumbled into the water, and drowned.
This conclusively proved to the townsfolk, that the location was not lucky at all.
The moral of this story?
Don't judge a brook by it's clover.
I met the woman of my dreams in Korea
How many politicians does take to enact a policy?
All of them.
One to dream it up, and the rest to fcuk it up.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.
She asked me, “What are you going to do when you see it?”
I said, “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.”
Last night I dreamed the ocean was orange soda.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda.
Last night I had a dream that the ocean turned orange.......
but it was just a Fanta sea
Last night I dreamed I wrote “Lord of the Rings”.
I was Tolkien in my sleep
Why was the man at the cookout so happy?
He met the grill of his dreams.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
