Howdy punsters!
Please remember when posting to /r/puns that the punchline should be in the post itself, not the topic. Puns should be self-explanatory. If you have to explain it, please do so in the comments. We've had a lot of puns lately, especially images, ruined before clicking on them when the whole thing was spoiled in the topic line.
Up to now, we've been assigning "for shame" flair when this happens, but it's become very common lately. As a result, posts with punchlines in the topic will be removed.
Thanks!
I'm mass-turd-baiting.
She's always pointing them out to me.
Sometimes, not so solid, either.
It always leads to the deepest discussion.
Because he was asked to research.
Example:
Top Level: FISH
Pun Level: I really like fish, but some people don't, they find them really icthy
So now I won't be bringing that up any more
... but nowadays, when someone gets Botox, nobody raises an eyebrow!
Current events.
Do you like your Family’s Punditry?
Scientist #1: I think we should name them something funny like doodoo strings
Scientist #2: Yeah, i think that’s pretty silly, but i think they should be called something more Cillia
It was a real naan sequitur.
But it's just a crying shame none of them are called "Daddy Issues"
But it's not far behind.
Sepp was a successful business man, who had married a known "gold digger" -- After Sepp's death, his eldest made claim to the estate, but his evil step mother told the lawyers "well that claim is just per Sepp's son"
At the mall shopping for a new back pack for my daughter to use at school when we a saw Doctor Who themed one. My wife questioned if it would be big enough to hold all of our daughter's books...
"Don't worry," I said. "It's bigger in the inside." Then I started laughing like a mad man.
And that is the story of how I got kicked out of Hot Topic.
She was never scene again.
source: hotelmarioshipslash
Dad: What's your midterm about?
Me: The ethics of euthanasia.
Dad: What about the old people in Asia.
... when he went to the back to find a phone case for my friend. He came back out and said, "sorry, no dice."
I said, "that's okay, we were looking for phone cases."
Not my dad, but my SO's father is both a religious man and an intellectual, so pop culture is really not his thing.
However, whenever someone even mentions Miley Cyrus, he bursts into song, singing "I came in like a wreeeeeeecking baaaaall, 'cause I have no taleeeeeeeent at aaaaall." Then he just sits and waits for the applause.
"Guys, we're here to talk about ramp art"
I know our house only has one floor; we were going to have a second floor, but that's another story
My uncle: "The baked goods at the Anderson's (local grocery store) are pretty good."
Me: "I guess that's why the call them baked "goods" and not baked "bads.""
I'm a 24 year old female and still got groans from my uncle and dad.
Coworker: "Didn't Fletch have that chase scene in it?"
Me: "I'd say it had a lot of Chase scenes."
I received a new personal record for eye rolls per single joke.
My grandmother was getting rid of a box of books, one of which was titled "I Ching." I asked her how to pronounce that word (like e-ching) after which she asked if I knew about it at all. I then responded with "No, but I am I Ching to hear about it!"
So I went to my parents place for dinner yesterday and my sister was feeling the after effects of a kegger she went to the day before with some friends. She was talking about how her friends younger siblings and their teenage friends were there as well, describing it as a "Joint party" between the siblings. To which my dad replies "Joint party? I thought you said it was a kegger"
My mother shook her head in disgust, my sister shook her head in shame, but my father and I shared a good chuckle, I am definitely my fathers son.
My dad and uncle are talking about gardening and my aunt chimes in about my uncle being terrible weeder. My uncle replies that it used to be a punishment when he was a kid, so he doesn't like to do it.
My dad replies, "When I was a kid, I was a good weeder. But I could never get through Gwapes of Wath,".
Me: "Oh, what's that movie about?" Dad: "I'd say its about 2 hours."
An old gentleman walked in with his family today.
I asked, "What are you guys up to?"
the man replied, "Well, I'm 5 foot 9, and my wife is 5 foot 6."
I laughed and told him, "Surely you can't be serious."
And he said, "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."
So, my parents were talking about whether a celebrity (who's name I didn't manage to catch) was attractive or not.
Mum: "Yeah, she's attractive, but she's a bit bipolar though" Dad: "That's okay just take her to the equator, and she'll be fine."
