Why do girls with daddy issues like guys with dad bods?
They’re just looking for a father figure
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
Who do the Spice Girls speak to when they have an issue with one another?
Social media issues
The other day I Stumbledupon my Instagram and lost Pinterest
Which animal has mental health issues?
My wife says I have commitment issues...
I used to have issues.
But I canceled my subscription.
I have been having prostate issues recently
My ex had gambling and anger issues...
When I broke up with her things got a little dicey.
My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.
Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.
What do you call a chicken with daddy issues?
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house
I've started writing songs about my attachment issues.
I'm calling it Cling Rap.
We had a critical issue at work today, the icons on the monitor screen were small
It took us a while to work out a proper resolution
I had an issue with my prostate exam...
But now the proctologist told me everything's been rectified.
the other night, my dad taught me his famous stew recipe. it went great, the only issue we had was with the herbs i wanted to use. he told me “you’re wrong about the parsley...
but that’s okay because you’re right on thyme”
You'd think politicians have bigger issues to tackle than housework and cleanliness.
Yet they often call for sweeping reforms.
I was having some back issues, so I went to my Egyptian friend
If anybody wants a copy of Osteopath Weekly I have back issues.
Where do clothes go to settle their legal issues?
Had a bargain on eBay today, brought a 65inch HD TV for £5, the only issue is the volume button doesnt work.
I thought, I cant turn that down.
Contrary to common belief, racism is not a black and white issue
Why is the Norwegian flag having trust issues?
It’s been double crossed so many times.
I'm heartbroken. The Wife broke up with me because of my chronic gambling issues.
.. Desperate to win her back.
Did you hear about the classical musician that had money issues?
[At the therapist] Hulk Hogan: I struggled through a lot of mental issues during my career.
Therapist: So you could say.. you had to wrestle mania?
Frequent diarrhea can actually be a hereditary issue
Apparently I have an issue with finishing of my sentences
You can't say much when you've been to prison twice.
How do monkeys solve employee focus decline issues?
Transfer them to a different branch
I was testing a lock which opens with a fingerprint, and trying to see how many fingerprints I could store. I've been able to store 10 fingerprints without issue
Because that's all I had on hand.
Someone asked about where to get therapy for issues with procrastination
I'm gonna start a dating site for people with serious mommy and daddy issues.
I'll call it Oedipal Arrangements.
What is the most common medical issue for swimmers?
We’ve got a lot of issues to deal with
My wife broke it off with me because of communication issues.
Does anyone want to talk to her about it?
If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.
And put Mariah Carey on the cover
I was trying to get help for my mental health issues, but the guy helping me turned out to be completely crazy
He was a psycho therapist
I've discovered the exact process by which a woman becomes a thot, but I'm having issues explaining it.
No one can follow my thot process.
Wooden plumbing issues
I should have known better than to flush my wooden shoes down the toilet.
Now it's clogged. :D
What do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?
Dealing with son's sexuality issues..
Son: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Me: And that means you would have a male partner.
Son. Yep.
Me: Or a female partner.
Son: Yep.
Me: And that means you're bi.
Son: Yep.
Me: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Son: ..
Son: ...
Son: ..
Son: Did you just..
Why is gay marriage an issue?
Some people are fucking assholes!
Tissues have issues and they are tearable
I normally trust Benjamin Franklin’s judgement on most issues.
He’s usually on the money.
This issue of Time has four adverts form pharma companies.
The issue with duck eggs.
Two farmers, Ben and Dave, are discussing their produce. Ben mentions that there has been a strange recent demand in duck eggs, and is going to begin producing them. Dave replies that he tried to produce them long ago, but had to stop due to issues with their delivery.
"What issues?" Asks Ben, with a confused expression on his face.
"They caused way too much mess in the delivery truck," Dave explains, "You'll find out soon enough, duck eggs quack really easily."
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house.
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