No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

β€œI play a little guitar!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how popular Spongebob Squarepants is

Patrick will always be the Star of the show

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZarcoMacro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter ?

An Irrelephant

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
If the Scottish and the Irish went to war, no matter the victor, both sides would have kilt it.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Woodyard801
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?

Well, it’s black and white.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...

That's Irsay.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
In Illinois, it's illegal to have legal possesion over fecal matter of any sort.

Can't have shit in Detroit.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Meini_Studios
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....

It’s night

πŸ‘︎ 233
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaughnSD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return, no matter how you throw it?

I don't know, but I'm tired of getting hit with these bananas!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.

It’s a real head scratcher.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zagmut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Linux would always lead the lineup with a bunt and steal second shortly after. And no matter how bad I wanted to swing for the fences, if the batter before me didn't make first; coach would turn to me and say......

UBUNTU.

SurPise!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MatthewLee1980
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
No matter how bad his career gets, why will you not see Rick Astley waiting tables?

Because he'll never run around and dessert you.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people relieve their sexual urge by taking matters into their own hands.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how kind you are...

German kids are kinder.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....

At the end of the day it's evening

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.

Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kngfbng
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
πŸ‘︎ 347
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vignesh_shankar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how good the soap smells....

Never come out of the public toilets smelling your fingers.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.

He was a master of the duck shun.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patricosuave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Stages of matter
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchomojo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When you're at the urinals, it doesn't matter of you're French, German, Spanish or Swedish

European

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to master the entire alphabet.

I don’t know y

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Words Matter
πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_rehnedo_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter what kind of pasta you throw in a black hole

It all gets spaghettified.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter what I do I can't get these pests to leave my house...

Bunch of beeloaders.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manny-jarkins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how kind you are...
πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/consciousmonkeys
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s big and grey and doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 323
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0_IceCold_0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian

You gotta give him props for that

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jvilly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how goth you are,

Melkor will always be Morgoth.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Black Beans Matter
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/David_Jonathan0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes nationality matters
πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roaming_Dinosaur
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how stressful my day is, I always sleep like a baby.

I crap myself and wake up crying at least once each night.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope

It'll still be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NachoRaptor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.

"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do u call an elephant that doesn’t matter?

irrelephant ...,,,,That was the most stupidest joke ,sorry

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/purplejaffacake
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
To all the women out there who say size doesn’t matter:

You are all extremely shallow

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DwelveDeeper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
You matter

Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light ...

... then you energy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stchrysostom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elanstake
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I explained to my wife, "Darling, it doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, my point is..."

"You need to buy a different size bra!"

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
It really doesn’t matter if you can’t spell Armageddon

It isn’t the end of the world

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dazcn24
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter if youre straight, gay or bisexual

At the end of the day, its night

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how kind you are....

German children are always Kinder.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter if you're black or white, or gay or straight

At the end of the day, it's night.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Speedypanda4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how kind you are...

German children are always kinder.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heretolearn00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how kind you are

German kids are always Kinder

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tzlt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how kind you are

German Children are always kinder

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how nice your kids are ...

German kids are always Kinder.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how kind your kids are

German kids are always Kinder

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ekrit_
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how hard you push the envelope ...

It'll still be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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