4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.
So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
I finally realized why trees donβt have teeth.
Turns out, theyβre all bark and no bite.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldnβt afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I just realized...
I havenβt changed my underwear this year.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I realized that the 8mm fastener is my favorite because it's my M8!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
I just realized nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g"
π︎ 361
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that Iβm an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
π︎ 37
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. Thatβs when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.
Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized...
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
Ever since I started working from home, I've realized that one of my coworkers is a real bitch...
But that's okay, I love working with my dog.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.
I have been taking it for granite all these years.
π︎ 291
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.
They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 09 2019
I looked in the mirror and realized how hot I've become
I have to stop wearing hoodies on summer.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jun 18 2019
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
I just realized that I forgot to seal all my spices in airtight containers.
Iβm expecting to have a bad thyme.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
What did the bodybuilder say when he realized he was out of powdered protein mix?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11...
It was just a spare, I guess...
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 01 2020
Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 29 2020
Iβm trying to be a sociopath, but I realized Iβm not great in manipulating people.
Iβm more of a so-sopath.
π︎ 696
π
︎ Dec 03 2019
I was whipping up some pesto when I realized I was out of an herb to add flavor. Luckily, my son's guitar was handy....
I was able to add some bass-il to my tasty sauce.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 23 2020
After attempting for five hours to get this fence post to stand upright, I've finally realized
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jan 17 2019
Today at work, I took a dish collector tub into the walk-in with me. I realized, most restaurants fridges can't even fit a car.
Yet, I just fit a bus in here.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day Iβve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. Itβs been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 16 2020
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day
βReally?β the coworker asks. βWhat showed you she really loved you?β
βShe was just really excited to have me around,β the man replied. βLike when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, βMy husband is home! My husband is home!ββ
π︎ 23
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.
I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 17 2020
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:
He was missing a key element the whole time
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 12 2020
I realized I have all the components to make my own COVID-19 Lego scene
All I had to do was paint some heads white to be toilet paper. I didn't have a lot of heads so it looks like I'm almost out.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
I was going to take a hike in the woods today but realized tick season is starting
and I like my Corona without Lyme.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
A few weeks ago I was vacationing, but when I realized how serious the coronavirus was in this place
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
I just realized what current newborns of the Islamic faith will be called from 2033-2040
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
In retrospect, when should we have realized that Corona virus is a dangerous thing?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
I caught my son rubbing banana peels all over him. At first, I was worried. Then I realized it.
He was going to be all ripe.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Dec 19 2019
I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn't pass any proper training
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jan 01 2020
I just realized Christmas and hand sanitizer are opposite
Christmas is Noel, while hand sanitizer is Purell.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 17 2020
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
π︎ 37
π
︎ Sep 23 2019
I finally realized that my wife left me because of my obsession with reducing fractions.
π︎ 783
π
︎ Feb 03 2019
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.