4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.
So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
I just realized...
I haven’t changed my underwear this year.
I realized that the 8mm fastener is my favorite because it's my M8!
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
I just realized nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g"
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.
Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized...
Ever since I started working from home, I've realized that one of my coworkers is a real bitch...
But that's okay, I love working with my dog.
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.
I have been taking it for granite all these years.
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.
They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
I looked in the mirror and realized how hot I've become
I have to stop wearing hoodies on summer.
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
I just realized that I forgot to seal all my spices in airtight containers.
I’m expecting to have a bad thyme.
What did the bodybuilder say when he realized he was out of powdered protein mix?
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11...
It was just a spare, I guess...
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?
Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?
I’m trying to be a sociopath, but I realized I’m not great in manipulating people.
I was whipping up some pesto when I realized I was out of an herb to add flavor. Luckily, my son's guitar was handy....
I was able to add some bass-il to my tasty sauce.
After attempting for five hours to get this fence post to stand upright, I've finally realized
Today at work, I took a dish collector tub into the walk-in with me. I realized, most restaurants fridges can't even fit a car.
Yet, I just fit a bus in here.
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day
“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”
“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.
I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:
He was missing a key element the whole time
I realized I have all the components to make my own COVID-19 Lego scene
All I had to do was paint some heads white to be toilet paper. I didn't have a lot of heads so it looks like I'm almost out.
I was going to take a hike in the woods today but realized tick season is starting
and I like my Corona without Lyme.
A few weeks ago I was vacationing, but when I realized how serious the coronavirus was in this place
In retrospect, when should we have realized that Corona virus is a dangerous thing?
I caught my son rubbing banana peels all over him. At first, I was worried. Then I realized it.
He was going to be all ripe.
I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn't pass any proper training
I just realized Christmas and hand sanitizer are opposite
Christmas is Noel, while hand sanitizer is Purell.
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
I finally realized that my wife left me because of my obsession with reducing fractions.
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
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