4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.

So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:

Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?

Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?

oh wait.........

Credit goes to Matt from Studio C

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lickedy_Split_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized...

I haven’t changed my underwear this year.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callMeSIX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I realized that the 8mm fastener is my favorite because it's my M8!

That is all.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadPunsAreBadPuns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.

It meant a great deal to me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taco_Pie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Comanch3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized nothing starts with "n" and ends with "g"

Go ahead, prove me wrong

πŸ‘︎ 361
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Photoshoppin_Boi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...

Oops, they were out of thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
After watching Hubie Halloween I realized that every Adam Sandler movie takes place in the same universe.

Unfortunately, it's the one we live in.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/csteelatgburg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized...

I'm in Seine.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cinnafury03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever since I started working from home, I've realized that one of my coworkers is a real bitch...

But that's okay, I love working with my dog.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamyourcheese
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized my kitchen countertop is made out of marble.

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

πŸ‘︎ 291
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized they can't ever make a movie about a male scandanavian Transformer who works as a stand-up comedian.

They'd be guilty of vehicle Lars mans laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tayrog77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I looked in the mirror and realized how hot I've become

I have to stop wearing hoodies on summer.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggysnack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...

I left my phone in Airplane mode

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggysnack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized that I forgot to seal all my spices in airtight containers.

I’m expecting to have a bad thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the bodybuilder say when he realized he was out of powdered protein mix?

#"NO WHEY!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuriakon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought 10 asparagus at the store but when I got home I realized I had 11...

It was just a spare, I guess...

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?

"I really missed him."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m trying to be a sociopath, but I realized I’m not great in manipulating people.

I’m more of a so-sopath.

πŸ‘︎ 696
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was whipping up some pesto when I realized I was out of an herb to add flavor. Luckily, my son's guitar was handy....

I was able to add some bass-il to my tasty sauce.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
After attempting for five hours to get this fence post to stand upright, I've finally realized

This is a shit post

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5lash3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at work, I took a dish collector tub into the walk-in with me. I realized, most restaurants fridges can't even fit a car.

Yet, I just fit a bus in here.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...

Oops, wrong sub

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day

β€œReally?” the coworker asks. β€œWhat showed you she really loved you?”

β€œShe was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. β€œLike when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, β€˜My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.

I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nitevid
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The chemist who created the periodic table was stumped during his process of developing the table. Suddenly, he realized:

He was missing a key element the whole time

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I realized I have all the components to make my own COVID-19 Lego scene

All I had to do was paint some heads white to be toilet paper. I didn't have a lot of heads so it looks like I'm almost out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/housepage
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to take a hike in the woods today but realized tick season is starting

and I like my Corona without Lyme.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themissamos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A few weeks ago I was vacationing, but when I realized how serious the coronavirus was in this place

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized what current newborns of the Islamic faith will be called from 2033-2040

Qur’an teens

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddymcdadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
In retrospect, when should we have realized that Corona virus is a dangerous thing?

Right off the bat.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I caught my son rubbing banana peels all over him. At first, I was worried. Then I realized it.

He was going to be all ripe.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdafbird
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was once in an airplane when I realized the pilot didn't pass any proper training

He was just winging it

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I just realized Christmas and hand sanitizer are opposite

Christmas is Noel, while hand sanitizer is Purell.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosemourne
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally realized that my wife left me because of my obsession with reducing fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

πŸ‘︎ 783
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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