Why did the sculptor realize creating a self-portrait bust was a bad idea?

Because he got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conflateer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What industry is shadier than people realize?

Umbrella Manufacturing.

Courtesy of r/AskReddit

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Has anyone realize β€œThe IRS”

Spells β€œtheirs”?

πŸ‘︎ 598
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
When you realize, too late, that there is no more Toilet Paper

there Bidets like this

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Espadajin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Turned on the US News and didn't realize...

That there was a new Gerard Butler movie: "Capitol Hill has Fallen"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SliceOfLife37
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,

Hebrews

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't realize my phone came with noface detection
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Llamalords101
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
It kinda spoils the ending of Revenge of the Sith once you realize...

they're not called the Order of the Jelive

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saeldaug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen

He was delighted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't realize the reopening of the Lego store was going to be so popular...

People are lining up for blocks!

πŸ‘︎ 322
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crogers2009
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When did Yoda realize that he would be little?

His first word was β€œiota”.

... and so it was spoken, from then onward, into existence.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied β€œbaby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...

But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirTurkTurkelton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
If my bookcase realizes it wants to store dishes instead of books, it has reached shelf actualization.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huxley0721
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
This son of a bitch got me. Can't be mad though; I set him up and did even realize it.
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toasty-toes
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Accordion to a recent study, 90% of people didn’t realize

I put an instrument at the start of this sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/revaforce
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat scratches me to get my attention, I like to think he doesn't realize he's hurting me,

he just has issues with claws and effects.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newfranksinatra
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
After a few recent posts, I now realize just how dangerous math really is.

I mean, just look at all those explosions after math!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I made a cabbage, carrot and corn stir-fry tonight! The recipe called for tilipia, but I put in pork. I realize now that I should have put in chicken, though...

...it's supposed to be a C-food stir-fry.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmcduff
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
At what point did the tomato realize he was about to get lucky?

When the garlic started taking off her cloves.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayzon1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you tell yourself when you wake up with fever and realize you are late for work?

Self, I so late.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to cheat during my jog by taking a shortcut through some bushes, but I didn’t realize it was poison ivy...

That was a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?

A depresso

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Here’s an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.

They’re just optical illusions.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabriel_Aurelius
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at UNCW. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed.... Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me.

I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...

So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got to the bar. When we arrived at the bar, she turned and asked if she could have my number. I was flattered because she was so pretty, but I told her I was happily engaged.

She smiled at me and said, "That's a shame, you really caught my eye."

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/izzy10200
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender asks β€œDo you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?”

The pirate replies, β€œ Arrrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn’t realize ants stole so many handbags

If they didn’t, why do we need anti-purse-per-ant

It’s my first time, be gentle.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MurrayTh3Dream
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn’t realize my dad used to steal board-games from the toy store.

But when I look back now, all the Clues added up.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When you realize that water is hipster.

That ice was water before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
To make everyone realize they're human beings
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kill-dt-mf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn't realize that Santander repossessed my house...

No one expected the Spanish requisition

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
By the time you realize you're not in shape

it's too far to walk back.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
When you realize it... it’s genius.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn’t realize she was hitched...
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exref
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Yoga bends. Yoga stretches. Yoga realizes he’s completely out of shape.

Yoga pants.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
That sad moment when I realize
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tkyang34
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn’t realize I was gullible...

... until someone told me I was.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ric_ooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...

Every clod has a silver lining.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw this at the store today. I didn’t realize they were literal when they called it invisible...
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crescuesanimals
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
After years of using dial up, I finally upgraded to high speed internet. I didn't realize the internet traffic!

But I was able to e-merge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I hope the inventor of the whiteboard realizes how truly remarkable his creation is.
πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/platypuns
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My 3 yr old son didn't realize it but he told me a good dadjoke

As I'm holding my son, he begins to pretend his hands are spiders and starts wiggling the tips of his fingers on my arm and then says

"These spiders are crawling on you because they're Daddy Long Legs"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plzinsertgirder
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Few people realize...

... that when Hitler spoke about ubermenschen he was talking about breeding a race of taxi drivers.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I took a shortcut through some bushes, but didn’t realize I was walking into poison ivy...

That was a rash decision.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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