Bob Dylan didn't seem surprised when a boulder fell off a mountain on top of his house.
He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.
People are often surprised at how many risks I take.
My board game closet is stuffed!
My friend was surprised they're releasing a Nostradamus film.
I asked him, "You didn't see it coming?"
I was super surprised when the cashier wouldn’t give me her number.
I could’ve sworn she was checking me out.
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
I was surprised at first that the national dish of Tanzania was pasta
, but I'm not one to question it, and I can't deny it was great Serenghetti.
I just finished painting a customer’s home and they were surprised with the bill...
Them: “You’ve factored in all the labour, but what about the paint?”
Me: “It’s on the house”
My wife asked me, “Are you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”
I said, “Actually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
Why wasn't helium surprised or shocked when it won the lottery?
Because it's not a very good reactor
I was surprised to see The Dude at the Inauguration
But then I realized he was a Biden.
My wife surprised me with a car...
It's a good thing she missed me.
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I am so incredibly surprised by how easy it is to buy my shirts online...
I swear I nearly shipped my pants.
Jokingly said it was a poopy diaper, wife was surprised and asked “Really?!?!”
I said no, I’m just making shit up.
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
Every year I'm surprised at how cheap candy canes are...
You'd think they'd be more expensive - they're in mint condition!
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic...
Without all those tourists helping hold it up.
My wife was surprised she didn't see any "5th of November" images yesterday
Apparently with everything going on we had no Fawkes to give
I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...
I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.
Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?
Mine's always resisting a rest.
Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?
He was gladiator already.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
I’m not surprised Silence of the Lambs won Oscars, its an offally good film
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus
They are called the Flu Flux Fang!
I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.
Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.
I surprised my family today by changing careers to become a mirror cleaner.
It was something I could always see myself doing.
My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...
Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"
I'm only 20 please help
I was surprised to learn my family had never heard of the patron Saint of e-mails
So I had to tell them about Saint Francis of A CC
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.
She seemed pretty tank-full.
I'm surprised Metallica hasn't been on Sesame Street,
After all they are the Master of Puppets.
A farmer won a competition. When he was told he won, he was so surprised.
They say he was outstanding in his own field.
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
I surprised a kid in the hospital with cancer on his birthday
Sadly, he already had cancer
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today
I got them for free, but that's way below street value
I'm surprised people in the Swedish capital are so reluctant to go on lockdown
You'd think they were used to being stuck home
My roofer surprised me and replaced my roof for free.
He said it was on the house.
I hit a surprised person in the face
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
My 4yo son was surprised I saw him doing something out of the corner of my eye. He asked how I saw him and I said, "Grown ups see all kinds of things."
"That's why it's called adult super-vision."
My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"
I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"
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