Bob Dylan didn't seem surprised when a boulder fell off a mountain on top of his house.

He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
People are often surprised at how many risks I take.

My board game closet is stuffed!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Backthrasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend was surprised they're releasing a Nostradamus film.

I asked him, "You didn't see it coming?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I was super surprised when the cashier wouldn’t give me her number.

I could’ve sworn she was checking me out.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagamuffinDangles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...

Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DandyBeyond
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I was surprised at first that the national dish of Tanzania was pasta

, but I'm not one to question it, and I can't deny it was great Serenghetti.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarcusWigs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I just finished painting a customer’s home and they were surprised with the bill...

Them: β€œYou’ve factored in all the labour, but what about the paint?” Me: β€œIt’s on the house”

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me, β€œAre you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”

I said, β€œActually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there

A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why wasn't helium surprised or shocked when it won the lottery?

Because it's not a very good reactor

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginks_21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised to see The Dude at the Inauguration

But then I realized he was a Biden.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reading_54321
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife surprised me with a car...

It's a good thing she missed me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I am so incredibly surprised by how easy it is to buy my shirts online...

I swear I nearly shipped my pants.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjunkmale
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Jokingly said it was a poopy diaper, wife was surprised and asked β€œReally?!?!”

I said no, I’m just making shit up.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foflexity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chopinsbach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Every year I'm surprised at how cheap candy canes are...

You'd think they'd be more expensive - they're in mint condition!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it

Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!

πŸ‘︎ 578
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahh-potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic...

Without all those tourists helping hold it up.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bourque25
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was surprised she didn't see any "5th of November" images yesterday

Apparently with everything going on we had no Fawkes to give

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbaronstatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...

I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeeball
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?

Mine's always resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?

He was gladiator already.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...

She was takin' a back when taken aback!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m not surprised Silence of the Lambs won Oscars, its an offally good film

I’ll get my coat

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogburster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus

They are called the Flu Flux Fang!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/16thPeregrine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.

Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised my family today by changing careers to become a mirror cleaner.

It was something I could always see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskeyBadger_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...

Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"

I'm only 20 please help

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heey_its_Ben
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised to learn my family had never heard of the patron Saint of e-mails

So I had to tell them about Saint Francis of A CC

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatchitt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.

She seemed pretty tank-full.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm surprised Metallica hasn't been on Sesame Street,

After all they are the Master of Puppets.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Awesomealan11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A farmer won a competition. When he was told he won, he was so surprised.

They say he was outstanding in his own field.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChungaChunga06
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Colour me surprised.
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I surprised a kid in the hospital with cancer on his birthday

Sadly, he already had cancer

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today

I got them for free, but that's way below street value

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorTom314
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm surprised people in the Swedish capital are so reluctant to go on lockdown

You'd think they were used to being stuck home

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhinosorcery
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My roofer surprised me and replaced my roof for free.

He said it was on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I hit a surprised person in the face

He was gobsmacked

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxygenatedair66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."

"She became a little spore addict."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4yo son was surprised I saw him doing something out of the corner of my eye. He asked how I saw him and I said, "Grown ups see all kinds of things."

"That's why it's called adult super-vision."

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thunderup_14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
When watching Hentai I’m always surprised

to what level of animation we’ve cum to

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DieserBene
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"

I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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