Surprise pun struck me as I was connecting to someone's WiFi
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlothKid01
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Though I did find the color palate of this particular film rather surprising
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I’m homeless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...

That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.

I don’t know what to make of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.

Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Why can’t you ever surprise Darth Vader at Christmas?

Because he always senses your presents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdwelsh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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My wife asked me, β€œAre you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”

I said, β€œActually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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I bought my son a car accessory as a surprise but my wife told him what is was before I gave it to him.

It was a big spoiler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Subleyeme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic...

Without all those tourists helping hold it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bourque25
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Every year I'm surprised at how cheap candy canes are...

You'd think they'd be more expensive - they're in mint condition!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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My wife was surprised she didn't see any "5th of November" images yesterday

Apparently with everything going on we had no Fawkes to give

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbaronstatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?

Mine's always resisting a rest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?

He was gladiator already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chopinsbach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...

She was takin' a back when taken aback!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Astonishmium
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenebalism
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus

They are called the Flu Flux Fang!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/16thPeregrine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What do you get with surprise peas?

Wet legs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanumanjizzfest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.

Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it

Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahh-potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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I surprised my family today by changing careers to become a mirror cleaner.

It was something I could always see myself doing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskeyBadger_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I was surprised to learn my family had never heard of the patron Saint of e-mails

So I had to tell them about Saint Francis of A CC

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatchitt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...

Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"

I'm only 20 please help

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heey_its_Ben
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...

I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeeball
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Much to my surprise they added a roundabout on my route to work.

It really threw me for a loop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahatg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/umburnt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I’m not surprised Silence of the Lambs won Oscars, its an offally good film

I’ll get my coat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogburster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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Why can't you surprise plastic containers?

They are top aware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrama
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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I had a dream that I was a muffler last night

I woke up exhausted!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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I surprised a kid in the hospital with cancer on his birthday

Sadly, he already had cancer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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My wife brought home a parakeet yesterday. When she comes home, she’s in for a surprise because ...

Toucan play at this game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CombatWombat267
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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How do you surprise a pokΓ©mon?

β€œPika-boo!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vs424reddit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.

She seemed pretty tank-full.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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I'm surprised Metallica hasn't been on Sesame Street,

After all they are the Master of Puppets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Awesomealan11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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My friend always told me to try different types of tea instead of drinking only Earl Grey.

He was right all oolong.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakwag1019
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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My wife was surprisingly happy when she found out I was sleeping with another girl

Our daughter was happy she was okay with it as well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.

The election results have been un-presidented.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanol314
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today

I got them for free, but that's way below street value

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorTom314
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.

Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infuuri
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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My friend accused me of stealing his thesaurus.

Not only was I shocked, I was appalled, distraught, surprised, and taken aback.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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A farmer won a competition. When he was told he won, he was so surprised.

They say he was outstanding in his own field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChungaChunga06
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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What is Marios overalls made of?

Denim, denim, denim...

My son surprised me with that one today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ycarusbog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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To my surprise, my physician was the Mediterranean Sea

I guess C’s really do get degrees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VockellBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"

I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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