Surprise pun struck me as I was connecting to someone's WiFi
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︎ Apr 21 2019
Though I did find the color palate of this particular film rather surprising
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︎ Dec 19 2020
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I donβt know what to make of it.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
My boss just told me that Iβm the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Why canβt you ever surprise Darth Vader at Christmas?
Because he always senses your presents.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
My wife asked me, βAre you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?β
I said, βActually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.β
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I bought my son a car accessory as a surprise but my wife told him what is was before I gave it to him.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
I'm surprised the tower of Pisa hasn't fallen over during the pandemic...
Without all those tourists helping hold it up.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Every year I'm surprised at how cheap candy canes are...
You'd think they'd be more expensive - they're in mint condition!
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︎ Oct 11 2020
My wife was surprised she didn't see any "5th of November" images yesterday
Apparently with everything going on we had no Fawkes to give
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?
Mine's always resisting a rest.
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Why was was the unrepentant Roman who consumed his wife neither surprised nor scared when he was thrown into the Colosseum?
He was gladiator already.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
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︎ Aug 13 2020
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Astonishmium
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︎ Oct 07 2020
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus
They are called the Flu Flux Fang!
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︎ Oct 28 2020
What do you get with surprise peas?
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︎ Sep 29 2020
I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.
Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
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︎ Jun 02 2020
I surprised my family today by changing careers to become a mirror cleaner.
It was something I could always see myself doing.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
I was surprised to learn my family had never heard of the patron Saint of e-mails
So I had to tell them about Saint Francis of A CC
π︎ 6
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︎ Sep 27 2020
My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...
Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"
I'm only 20 please help
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︎ Sep 09 2020
I was surprised when I caught my son smoking weed upstairs...
I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
Much to my surprise they added a roundabout on my route to work.
It really threw me for a loop.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Iβm not surprised Silence of the Lambs won Oscars, its an offally good film
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Why can't you surprise plastic containers?
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︎ Aug 09 2020
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night
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︎ Dec 08 2020
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
I surprised a kid in the hospital with cancer on his birthday
Sadly, he already had cancer
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︎ Sep 01 2020
My wife brought home a parakeet yesterday. When she comes home, sheβs in for a surprise because ...
Toucan play at this game.
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︎ Aug 22 2020
How do you surprise a pokΓ©mon?
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︎ Aug 24 2020
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.
She seemed pretty tank-full.
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︎ Jul 09 2020
I'm surprised Metallica hasn't been on Sesame Street,
After all they are the Master of Puppets.
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︎ Jul 08 2020
My friend always told me to try different types of tea instead of drinking only Earl Grey.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My wife was surprisingly happy when she found out I was sleeping with another girl
Our daughter was happy she was okay with it as well
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︎ May 28 2020
Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The election results have been un-presidented.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today
I got them for free, but that's way below street value
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︎ Aug 12 2020
Visiting my parents for the first time since COVID. He has taken up cropdusting people and proclaiming, "Surprise health check." To make sure you can smell and/or taste still.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My friend accused me of stealing his thesaurus.
Not only was I shocked, I was appalled, distraught, surprised, and taken aback.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
A farmer won a competition. When he was told he won, he was so surprised.
They say he was outstanding in his own field.
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︎ May 31 2020
What is Marios overalls made of?
Denim, denim, denim...
My son surprised me with that one today.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
To my surprise, my physician was the Mediterranean Sea
I guess Cβs really do get degrees
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︎ Aug 02 2020
My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"
I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"
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︎ Jul 27 2020
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