As we drove past Ikea, my dad began one of his rants “Why do people want Swedish furniture? The fancy closet in my bedroom was built by a good ol’ fashioned local carpenter, none of this foreign import rubbish!” He was surprisingly vocal...
Argentina is surprisingly cold...
In fact it's bordering on Chile !
What’s long, surprisingly bigger then expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from
I’ve been watching the John Wayne Gacy documentary series on Peacock. Really creepy and fascinating. Surprisingly, despite being a cannibal murderer, he was a stickler for etiquette.
Anyone who arrived late to one of his dinner parties received a cold shoulder.
My wife was surprisingly happy when she found out I was sleeping with another girl
Our daughter was happy she was okay with it as well
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
Surprisingly, I helped a woman understand she ruled
A Surprisingly Clever Joke From My Dad
Back in the day of movie rentals we were at the Rental place. Before you could take out a new movie you had to pay off any late fees. We were at the cash when the following conversation happened:
Cashier: "You have a late fee for 'Seven Pounds'"
Dad: "Ok, what's that in Canadian?"
Took me a solid minute to realize the joke he had made.
Surprise pun struck me as I was connecting to someone's WiFi
I threw my blind wife with a surprise birthday party
She never saw it coming!
Edit: I changed the title and still has a typo -.-`
What does the God say when he's surprised
Bob Dylan didn't seem surprised when a boulder fell off a mountain on top of his house.
He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.
I'm hiding in my Finnish Neighbours shed, waiting to jump out and surprise him.
It's like a sauna in here.
People are often surprised at how many risks I take.
My board game closet is stuffed!
My friend was surprised they're releasing a Nostradamus film.
I asked him, "You didn't see it coming?"
What do you call a surprise clothing launch?
I was super surprised when the cashier wouldn’t give me her number.
I could’ve sworn she was checking me out.
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
I was surprised at first that the national dish of Tanzania was pasta
, but I'm not one to question it, and I can't deny it was great Serenghetti.
I just finished painting a customer’s home and they were surprised with the bill...
Them: “You’ve factored in all the labour, but what about the paint?”
Me: “It’s on the house”
I went to an Indian restaurant last night for some garlic bread.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
Though I did find the color palate of this particular film rather surprising
A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.
I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.
My wife asked me, “Are you sometimes surprised as to how little people change?”
I said, “Actually, the process is the same. Apart from their tiny clothes.”
I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?
One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
Mrs Hamill was annoyed when her son and I paid her a surprise visit.
She was afraid I'd leave a Mark.
Why wasn't helium surprised or shocked when it won the lottery?
Because it's not a very good reactor
When I moved into my new igloo, my awesome friends threw me a surprise house-warming party...
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
I was surprised to see The Dude at the Inauguration
But then I realized he was a Biden.
My wife surprised me with a car...
It's a good thing she missed me.
I was in the garden last night and to my surprise there was this huge UFO, just hovering....
So, I rushed indoors to get the worst camera I could find, to film it with.....
I was surprised that the only gift I got for my birthday was a bucket of Play-Doh.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Vasectomy survivor
I kid you not!! #Antidadjoke?
My dad asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party...
That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
Did you know...
In Las Vegas there are more Catholic churches than casinos? Not surprisingly, many Sunday worshippers will give casino chips instead of cash when the offering plate is passed around. Since the churches get chips from so many different casinos, they have devised a way to collect the offerings. They send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting, and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.
I am so incredibly surprised by how easy it is to buy my shirts online...
I swear I nearly shipped my pants.
My dad just did this to me
I was puttering around the kitchen legit just now when my dad came in and said: "Hey, son; I got you a new--well, a used iPad."
I turn, really surprised, until he hands me a rather dusty and faded blue eye cover for sleeping.
"It's a used eye pad," he said, eyes full of that "I found a really bad dad joke" delight.
.....
.....Bless my dad's soul.
Jokingly said it was a poopy diaper, wife was surprised and asked “Really?!?!”
I said no, I’m just making shit up.
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
I told my girlfriend that I thought she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high.
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
The country of Argentina is surprisingly cold.
In fact, it’s bordering on Chile
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
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