Tonight, we eat like kongs.
So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.
Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.
Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".
Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.
In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.
It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!
https://preview.redd.it/zd6ausuxyvp41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cb32969feccb18e542135e21984aa49f5eeafe47
I realized this is America and I oh-ed.
I mean who would have seen it coming?
Student: "Can you address outlets?" Trainer: (turns chair towards wall) "Hello outlets."
After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.
I needed a running start, but I made it!
Iβm still trying to get some closure.
It was an eye deal situation
http://i.imgur.com/qsFCaW7.png
A sucker pun-ch
"Actually, they're medium-well."
I paused for a good 10 seconds as it began to sink in, and then gave her the biggest applause I could.
I'm so happy.
It's been really cold in my neck of the world lately. Today a coworker came into the office and said, "I'm freezing."
My other coworker replies, "You're just going through a phase."
I'm not entirely sure it's a dad joke (it wasn't "Hi freezing, I'm [name]"), and maybe it's only hilarious to us because we're chemists, but I thought this subreddit might enjoy this.
Don't you think? http://imgur.com/RpK3CJK
Setup: It's 74 degrees outside and about to freeze by the weekend.
Me: It's like summer outside and it's going to freeze in a few days. It's like the world is bipolar.
Wife: MASSIVE FACEPALM
Got a new work shirt from my boss. The first one he gave me was too small and then he proceeded to give me the right size. After changing he told me...
Boss- That shirt looks tailor made.
Me- Well I don't know who Taylor is, but we should find him and tell him good job.
This is the story of a dad joke gone horribly (wonderfully) awry.
Early last week, I posted a status about my morning misadventures, which involved me accidentally putting face moisturizer on my toothbrush. This morning, my father reads this and decides to comment, "That's why I keep prep h in the cupboard." But he doesn't comment on my status. He writes this on my wall, without any context at all for innocent bystanders.
Dad: Hey TheMechanicNZ, the dog's licking his balls, Don't you wish you could do that?
Me: uh.
Dad: give it a biscuit, it might let you.
Boss: How was your weekend?
Me: My cat is dying. So I spent Saturday, sitting on the couch, doing work, and trying to figure out what kind of music you play for a dying cat...
Boss: DeathCat for Cutie?
He was on the phone with her and told her that he and I had eaten sushi for dinner. We also had sushi for lunch yesterday. Her response?
"Man, you guys are on a sushi roll."
So I must start with stating that my friend is not a father (and does not want to ever be one). However that does not stop him from making dad type jokes. He is usually quick witted and this was the conversation that ensued.
Him - Telling my friend to fill in his tattoo space in comic sans writing. Overall just poking fun at how everyone hates that writing style.
Me - Stating "Well comic sans does have a point."
Him - replying "No comic sans doesn't have a point, it is round."
Edit - Thanks Diablo.
