If you’re ever trying to do something unexpected, don’t steal someone’s abacus. They’ll be counting on that.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ninja delivery boy say to the office manager when he was delivering an unexpected order of pens, pencils, and paper goods?

Supplies!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kingrangerprops
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Unexpected outcome
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Victor1113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Unexpected

https://preview.redd.it/zd6ausuxyvp41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cb32969feccb18e542135e21984aa49f5eeafe47

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBronzeAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I received an unexpected bill from the doctor for fixing my leg...

I realized this is America and I oh-ed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Unexpected one
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nefariousmonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The attack on the blind peoples home was so unexpected

I mean who would have seen it coming?

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Real_Shit420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Unexpected

After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table.

I needed a running start, but I made it!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moldybubbles571
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Had this beauty planted on me in the most unexpected of places. Grindr.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elliotcoaster
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Had an unexpected confrontation with death today. Damn bug flew right into my eye.

I’m still trying to get some closure.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hunkerdown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Unexpected Dad joke during basement finishing sales training

Student: "Can you address outlets?" Trainer: (turns chair towards wall) "Hello outlets."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NKHdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the LASIK patient that ended up getting an unexpected two for one discount on their surgery?

It was an eye deal situation

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlainPup
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an unexpected dad joke?

A sucker pun-ch

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zi_kora
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
From r/unexpected
πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elmielmosong
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Unexpected thing happened during road trip. Now bear with me
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
[X-post from r/unexpected] Bike for sale

http://i.imgur.com/qsFCaW7.png

πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/John-Farson
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Is it raining? (x-post from /r/unexpected)
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SalazarRED
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Unexpected at Trader Joe’s v.redd.it/2s140ynhj6901
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dbgross01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call yourself after your third unexpected pregnancy in three years? imgur.com/V29vTRO
πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maestayed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Unexpected dad joke from Mom... My dad was grilling pork chops today. Normally not a fan, but I decided to try a bite. It was delicious, so I turned to my dad and said, "Wow Dad! These pork chops are really well done!" From behind me, Mom quipped...

"Actually, they're medium-well."


I paused for a good 10 seconds as it began to sink in, and then gave her the biggest applause I could.

I'm so happy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoBlizzard12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Shredding (x-post r/unexpected
πŸ‘︎ 217
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/offlebagg1ns
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Unexpected dad joke at work

It's been really cold in my neck of the world lately. Today a coworker came into the office and said, "I'm freezing."

My other coworker replies, "You're just going through a phase."

I'm not entirely sure it's a dad joke (it wasn't "Hi freezing, I'm [name]"), and maybe it's only hilarious to us because we're chemists, but I thought this subreddit might enjoy this.

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Panaphobe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
🚨︎ report
Would surprise butt sex for dogs be an "unexpected item in wagging area"?
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJoffery
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning & find a Tesco had been built next to his house. It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/air28uk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
One amazing space picture (x-post /r/unexpected)
πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ego_max
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Someone posted this picture to r/unexpected but honestly it has a better home here in r/dadjokes

Don't you think? http://imgur.com/RpK3CJK

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/de_baser
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Firetruck plowing through an intersection xpost /r/unexpected
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Unexpected dad joke

Setup: It's 74 degrees outside and about to freeze by the weekend.

Me: It's like summer outside and it's going to freeze in a few days. It's like the world is bipolar.

Wife: MASSIVE FACEPALM

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmeanmustid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Got my very old boss with an unexpected dad joke

Got a new work shirt from my boss. The first one he gave me was too small and then he proceeded to give me the right size. After changing he told me...

Boss- That shirt looks tailor made.

Me- Well I don't know who Taylor is, but we should find him and tell him good job.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Barneystinson84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2014
🚨︎ report
The unexpected consequences of adding your dad to Facebook.

This is the story of a dad joke gone horribly (wonderfully) awry.

Early last week, I posted a status about my morning misadventures, which involved me accidentally putting face moisturizer on my toothbrush. This morning, my father reads this and decides to comment, "That's why I keep prep h in the cupboard." But he doesn't comment on my status. He writes this on my wall, without any context at all for innocent bystanders.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SonofNeckbone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Jail (x-post /r/Unexpected)
πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealMavsZane
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
🚨︎ report
Well that took an unexpected turn.

Dad: Hey TheMechanicNZ, the dog's licking his balls, Don't you wish you could do that?

Me: uh.

Dad: give it a biscuit, it might let you.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMechanicNZ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
🚨︎ report
Unexpected morbid humor from my boss (a dad)

Boss: How was your weekend?

Me: My cat is dying. So I spent Saturday, sitting on the couch, doing work, and trying to figure out what kind of music you play for a dying cat...

Boss: DeathCat for Cutie?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pilly-bilgrim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
🚨︎ report
An Unexpected Dadjoke from my Dad's Girlfriend

He was on the phone with her and told her that he and I had eaten sushi for dinner. We also had sushi for lunch yesterday. Her response?

"Man, you guys are on a sushi roll."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZugTheMegasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Comic sans unexpected dad joke.

So I must start with stating that my friend is not a father (and does not want to ever be one). However that does not stop him from making dad type jokes. He is usually quick witted and this was the conversation that ensued.

Him - Telling my friend to fill in his tattoo space in comic sans writing. Overall just poking fun at how everyone hates that writing style.

Me - Stating "Well comic sans does have a point."

Him - replying "No comic sans doesn't have a point, it is round."

Edit - Thanks Diablo.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alienbringer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2014
🚨︎ report
An unexpected dad joke in the Bernie Sanders AMA
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pater-Familias
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.