My wife told me Iβve grown as a person
Her actual word were βyouβve gotten fatβ, but I know what she meant.
π︎ 988
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?
π︎ 383
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
This whole time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist...
π︎ 74
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
What's the difference between a horribly dressed person on a two wheeler and a nicely dressed person on a three wheeler?
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
What did the tomato say to the person who was about to eat him?
I hate you from my head to-ma-toes.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Warning...."To the person who stole my glasses....."
"I'll find you....I have contacts."
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Person to my dad βHow long have you been married?β
Dad: β10 of the happiest years of my lifeβ
(Theyβve been married 43 years)
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
What do you get if you mix a dumb person with a donut?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
Kinder Person Award goes to...
π︎ 134
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
What do you call a person who can't hear?
You can call him anything cause he won't able to hear you.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?
π︎ 300
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Having sex with a deaf person is like assassinating someone
They won't hear you cumming
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet
Space X has really taken off this past year
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
π︎ 264
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
THERE ISN'T A SINGLE PERSON ALIVE TODAY WHO IS
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
If a male person bursts into laughter...
... can he then be accused of manslaughter?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
What do you call a smart gay person?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Every person you have ever met..
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
When a short person waves at you, it's called....
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
The person who invented Russian roulette
π︎ 88
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Person 1: βWill you follow me?β
Person 2: βNo Iβm gonna follow sleep.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
What does a person who is turned on by tall buildings have?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
What does a dead person do to lose weight?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"
And I said "not without a large mortgage"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you call it when a British person takes a good long look at something?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, βWhat would you do when you finally see it?β
I said, βIβll cross the bridge when I get there.β
π︎ 107
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a personβs aura changes when they die.
π︎ 151
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
What do you call an agnostic person during the Christmas season?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
What do you say to the person getting breast reduction procedure?
I hope it takes the weight off your chest.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
What do you call a person who can't stop stealing kitchen supplies?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.
I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
When a short person waves at you, what do you call it?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
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