People reprimanded me for telling dad jokes without having children,
I apologized, it was Faux pa
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?
The one for children has baby teeth
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I donated almost 50.000$ to a charity for mute children
They didnβt even say βThank youβ
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I saw a sign that said 'watch for children'
that was a really good trade
π︎ 21
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︎ Oct 20 2020
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought...
..."That sounds like a fair trade."
π︎ 15
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︎ Aug 17 2020
I feel bad for children of gay parents
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of βask your motherβ.
π︎ 100
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︎ Jul 20 2020
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 26 2020
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jan 07 2019
Kansas airlines wonβt let you use baggage claim for unruly children
Guess Iβll have to carry on my wayward son.
(Not mine, saw on Facebook)
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 12 2020
Where should children with ADHD be sent to for therapy?
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 07 2020
Darth Vader has some interesting methods for disciplining his Children.
They're all very hands-off.
π︎ 22
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︎ May 07 2020
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Why do parents make train sounds for their children when eating?
Because they go Chew Chew!
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 25 2020
I felt bad for eating my Jewish friend's coin shaped chocolate candy he had purchased to given his children at Hanukkah...
Pangs of gelt haunt me to this day!
π︎ 5
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︎ May 16 2020
Given the state of the world today , I donβt have Great Expectations for my children.
I got them all the other Dickensβ books though.
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 27 2020
Where does Santa buy gifts for naughty children?
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 20 2019
I drove past a sign that said watch for children
Sounds like a pretty good deal
π︎ 12
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︎ Apr 09 2019
Dad: Thanks for doing your chores Emily, unlike some children who will remain unnamed
Son: tears welling up please give me a name dad I'm almost 17
π︎ 42
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︎ Oct 24 2018
Bad puns are unsafe for children because theyβre a joking hazard
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 08 2018
My children are now under the assumption that "Dorito" is Spanish for "Orange Triangle". Lunchtime mission accomplished.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 18 2019
Lucky for us, we donβt have to worry about anti-vaxxers brainwashing their children.
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 05 2018
All the children are coming down for Christmas day.
To be frank, it is about time they left their bedrooms.
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 24 2018
Did you hear about the new school for deaf children?
Apparently it has all the bells and whistles.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 09 2018
If it wasn't for my two children, I wouldn't be where I am today.
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 22 2018
TIL that medieval nobility married their children off for political reasons
Guess that's where the saying comes from:
"The penis: mightier than the sword"
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 11 2019
The man I hired to watch my cattle was afraid of them a first. Now he cares for them like they're his children!
He went from coward to cow ward.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 21 2018
Where do Cantaloupes send there children for the summer?
To the John Cougar Mellencamp
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 15 2018
Shredded cheese is perfectly safe for children.
π︎ 39
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︎ Nov 20 2017
The Vice President, his brother, his wife, and their three children were all short on cash so they went to their local church for help. The preacher said he couldnβt spot that many people but pointed them to someone wealthier, who could: Sister Mary.
βSIX Pence? Nun the richer.β
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 29 2018
A person is playing FΓΌr Elise for a children's party
They were then arrested for assault with A Minor
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 17 2016
I saw a sign the other day that said " Watch for Children"
I though that was a fair trade.
(Borrowed from Demetri Martin)
π︎ 51
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︎ Dec 10 2017
My husbandβs adding to his stash of dad jokes for our future childrenβhereβs an especially eye-rolling example when we were walking back from class today.
I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.
DH: Oh man, theyβre adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much theyβd gopher....
π︎ 7
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︎ May 24 2018
In order for Santa to find all the naughty children...
He had to form a coalition.
π︎ 22
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︎ Dec 13 2017
Talking to my girlfriend who apparently is not ready for children
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 12 2015
Puns are for children, not groan readers.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 30 2016
What do you call a convention exclusively for women who have sisters with children?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 11 2015
After a commercial for a children's menu
Dad: It's sad for those kids isn't it?
Me: Sad? What do you mean?
Dad: Well that they offer children as a menu!
Me: facepalm
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 05 2014
I saw a sign while driving that said "Watch for Children."
Sounds like a fair trade.
π︎ 61
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︎ Aug 09 2019
I saw a sign that said "watch for children"...
and I thought to myself, "That sounds like a fair trade"
π︎ 33
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︎ May 17 2019
Watch for children
π︎ 13
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︎ Sep 03 2019
I saw a road sign the other day saying βwatch for childrenβ
Sounded like a fair trade to me
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 28 2018
While driving I saw a sign that said "watch for children"...
and I thought, "I could use a new watch"
π︎ 26
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︎ Dec 07 2015
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