She Puns

She packed up her bags and right.

“Because she has no taste.”

But will she leave me ?

Find out next week.

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

...it’s a matter of wife or death.

They didn’t workout.

Edited: It changed to they.

Thanks lornstar7

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

She puts her pajamazon

She said "They're right behind you!"

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

Then she smiled and hugged me tightly.

But it was arson

Orchid

Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isn’t it!?"

Oops... sorry, wrong thread !

I said okay... Bi den.

I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

I said I’d nominate her for the SAG awards.

"That's me in the corner."

She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

I guess she really likes being corrected on her grammar.

It Taurus apart. I'm in Pisces typing this.

"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.

She replied (while using the bathroom): What are you talking about?

I said: You told me you were an American, but European.

I honestly didn’t even know she sold flowers

I had to tell her I'd never met herbivore.

No need to remind her every half hour.

So from today I'm detergent to be better.

Thanks for the Baghdad!

"Really?" "Sure," she said.

"It's the yeast I can do."

I told her I don't work in a bakery

"Stairs don't talk!"

She added giggling: you will take ages to log off.

She said "This isn't working out."

I told her: that’s odd, I see.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again

Polyurethane?

Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”

I told her she’s ovaryacting.

I'm not sure whether to believe her or not.

The knife didn’t go all the way in, but I got the point.

It's not even clothes.

But, it was arson.