Hes Puns

He said no.

I asked him, 'whats the catch?'

He thought homes were built, not born.

They weren't just chasing a serial killer, they were chasing a mass murderer

I wish he wasn't influenced so much by pop culture.

I asked why and he said, “They freak meowt.”

After a moment of me staring at him, he said, “Seriously, I’m not kitten.”

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”

(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)

"Ah still love Vista Baby....."

Now it's ground beef.

“I’ve come to relieve you of your duty”

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

But he was 0K.

He said "There was a sail."

The librarian says, no, you'll never return them

Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.

He said “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house!”

The cold shoulder.

So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

Probable caws.

He said “Nah, that’s a freebie”

So I said "it depends on which pier you mean. Can you use it in a sentence?"

His reply: "Yes. How do you spell pier?"

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌

He goes undercover

Turns out he’s lack-toes intolerant

"It wouldn't hurt"

are you on a pant based diet?

Urinate out of 10

He’ll come around eventually.

He said, "Hey man, I'm not a big fan."

He wanted to pass with flying colors.

I thought of that myself.

Dead ant, dead ant … dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, DEAD ANNNNT!

There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”

He said no.

He said no