I’d never let my children watch the orchestra.

There is too much sax and violins in it

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicJ20
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...

It was A minor error.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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I refuse to let my kids join orchestra.

I would hate for them to resort to violins.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentEdge
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
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My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.

In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
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How does an orchestra keep in contact with each other?

They touch bass.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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I'd never let my children watch the orchestra

There's too much sax and violins

Edit: Thank you so much for the gold and silver

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theDwarfed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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I’ll never let my children watch the orchestra

There’s way too much sax and violins

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttholepretzel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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what do you call an orchestra on drugs?

contra-band

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibur039
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
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The orchestra's performance wad canceled right after the last rehearsal was done.

It was quite disconcerting to everyone.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Why did the orchestra loose its tv contract?

Too much violins on tv.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slvrdiver
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Why can't Plastic Man lead an orchestra?

Because he's a poor conductor

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsxenix
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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I disapprove of symphony orchestras.

Too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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An underperforming orchestra was playing in an open field when lightning struck its musical director. Luckily, he survived.

He was quite a bad conductor

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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What happened when Moses walked through an Orchestra?

The parting of the reed sea

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erisednox
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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What do you call a snake in charge of the philharmonic orchestra?

A boa conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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I'm never gonna let my kids watch the orchestra.

There's just too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PimplupXD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I donated a camp chair to the orchestra instrument drive.

I heard every symphony has a first chair.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/centstwo
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Who is the coolest most relaxed member of the orchestra?

The CHILLEST

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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I'm starting a minimalist orchestra.

It's just like a regular orchestra but without the bells and whistles.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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Why won’t I let my kids watch the orchestra play on TV?

Because There’s too much violin-ce

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asdaasdad123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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My uncle quit the orchestra after the conductor complained he was out of tune

He left on a high note

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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What fish does an orchestra need before a performance?

A tuna

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/summinspicy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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My dad got me after my band/orchestra concert last night

important, my family speaks Spanish

After my school's Christmas concert, I went out to eat with my family. They were asking me about some people who were announced for having made it into the All-State Band and Orchestra, one of which was a string bass player (contrabajo in Spanish).

I told them: "Si... Ella toca contrabajo. (Yes... She plays string bass.)"

And my dad replies: "ΒΏPues si toca con trabajo, porque la aceptaron? (Well if she plays with difficulty, why did they accept her?)"

TL;DR: Contrabajo = string bass, con trabajo = with difficulty

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROTCnaziBandgeek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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My Wife told me about the Prague Philharmonic Orchestra, apparently they have good Christmas music

I told her I will Czech them out once December comes

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kellythejellyman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I was visiting Bermuda, and went to check out their Philharmonic orchestra.

Half way through, the guy playing the triangle mysteriously disappeared.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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What job does the zombie do in an orchestra?

They are the decomposers.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxokidd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Why was the orchestra rated R?

Because it contained alot of violin

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeonPeonTree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
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Why’d the criminal turn his back on the orchestra?

He didn’t want to face the music

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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In an orchestra where does the oboe sit?

Three spots behind the elbow!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Von_Nettesheim
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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Partly electrocuted on stage, her diminished muscle control meant the orchestra had to figure some things out for themselves. What was she?

A semiconductor

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnabbe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2016
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How do you call a symphony orchestra?

Euphonium.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maskedeee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
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Why should you keep your kids from listening to full orchestra music?

Too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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An orchestra goes to a rock concert.

They leave in disgust, the usher asks what's wrong and they replies: We just can't Handel this.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meibolite
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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What do you call a swimming orchestra conductor?

A moistro.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minihat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
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What's the most sensitive part of an orchestra?

The pianist.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cornbread_curfew
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
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I want to start an orchestra named Research

then I could say "I conduct research"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yellowbuggy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
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Got a member of a local orchestra GOOD!

Walks by me wheeling one of the timpanis.

"Now THAT's a timpani roll!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakeizaak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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What happened to the boy that cut the orchestra in half?

He became a grounded semiconductor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obknaxious
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
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The wife showed me a video of C3PO as the conductor of an orchestra.

Me: This is going really well. I guess you could you could say he's a superconductor.

Wife: Go sit in the corner!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wherearemylegs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
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I'd never let my children watch the orchestra.

There's too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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