His pun skills are top notch
π︎ 19
π
︎ May 29 2018
Iβve never met this guy but he posts food puns on every single food picture I post and heβs such a treasure. I always look forward to his puns now.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 19 2019
Where is his pun-ishment
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jul 31 2017
B.J really going for gold with his puns.
π︎ 161
π
︎ Dec 05 2015
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I donβt believe him.
But thatβs his story, and heβs sticking to it.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing, it's on the house.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
A buddy of mine named his dog β5 Milesβ so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Wow hi I've met my people on this subreddit
π︎ 101
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︎ Jan 13 2021
While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife, "How do you spell Hawaii?" Glancing at what he wrote, she replied, "You need two iβs."
Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isnβt it!?"
π︎ 400
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
Because of his enormous debt, Old McDonald has to sell his farm.
To cover what he e-i-e-i owes.
π︎ 442
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
π︎ 20k
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
What does a presidential candidate who cant get his votes up suffer from?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?
π︎ 173
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
A German boy pushes his brother off a cliff.
π︎ 355
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
PurΓ©e!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
π︎ 56
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
π︎ 525
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...
π︎ 432
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie.
Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill
Itβs a little fit bunny
π︎ 57
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
My friend David lost his ID,
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
What is green and says, βHi, Iβm a frogβ?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
π︎ 661
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
My friend had the left side of his body ripped off in an accident.
But the doctor said heβll be all right.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
His first pun!
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
My son asked me if I knew any good chemistry jokes as he'd just had his first chemistry class. I thought about telling him one about alkalinity...
But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'
π︎ 40
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
The tree hated losing his foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so relieved.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Rudolph the red and his wife were on a stroll. Rudolph the red looked up at the sky and said "we should hurry up, there is a storm comming". So his wife asked "how do u know" and he replied...
"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
My son keeps all his boogers in a journal. He's up to 143.
I told him "One more and it'll be truly gross"
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he canβt even look at himself in the mirror.
π︎ 258
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Where did Noah put all the beeβs in his Ark?
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
A man who took a airline to court for losing his luggage...
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
A pediatric surgeon sewed his kids together as a new form of punishment.
If you canβt beat βem, join βem.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
π︎ 177
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....
So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, βA beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
The lumberjack loved his computer so much.
He especially liked logging in.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 64
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
My dad died when we couldnβt remember his blood type
As he died he kept on insisting for us to βbe positiveβ, but itβs hard without him.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing. Itβs on the house!
π︎ 294
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
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