My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C
everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
Why did the shaman cut himself when he was shaving?
Because he was the razor of the dead
James Bond enjoying himself
What do you call James Bond in a bath?
Bubble 07
My dad cut himself while getting veggies
We got some bloody tomatoes
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren’t very supportive. They kept telling him to “Get with the times...
Dad went out to this field and sent me a picture of himself there.
The caption read ‘I’m outstanding in this field!’
Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me he said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
A man drew a line in the middle of himself to prove a point...
When we were leaving the maternity ward the baby pooped himself and the wife said to go in and change him.
So I went inside, put him down, took one of the clean babies, and left.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C
Everyone thought he was crazy but he was 0K
Taken from u/HassanMehdi on r/technicallythetruth
This was posted by Sir Ian McKellen himself on Facebook
https://preview.redd.it/pcu1x2n9tvs51.png?width=720&format=png&auto=webp&s=f8b5cc4564de7f6b3da1ce9dfd2508b168d159e6
This just happened like 2 minutes ago and my dad is creased at himself
My mam saw a channel on the telly called the Deja Vu channel so she asked my dad what it was.
He replied with ‘I’m not sure but I swear I’ve seen it before’
He’s now pissing himself laughing and mam doesn’t get it
My dad came home with a new haircut and I said he didn't look like himself...
He responded: "Why are you telling me?"
A scientist once froze himself at absolute zero.
Why did the germaphobe go away to live by himself?
He wanted to be hermitically sealed.
A sage once set himself on fire to cleanse the monastery of evil smells. [OC]
How do you call a Sea creature that only cares about himself?
My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...
A father catches his son watching Twilight by himself.
The boy says, "Dad, it isn't what it looks like!"
His father laughs heartily and sits down next to him.
"Boy," he says, "you can watch Twilight once."
"Really? You don't mind?"
"Of course not, but remember if you ever watch it again..."
His smile vanishes in an instant.
"...it's a Pattinson."
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
HDMI
(sourced from r/Jokes by u/Deadly_R)
After Ahab injured himself in a fishing accident, his friends sent these.
What kind of doctor only thinks about himself?
A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
What do you call a person who loves both himself and waffles more than anything else in the world?
Why did the chicken paint himself black and white?
He felt like he needed some camoouflage
Why did the French chef want to kill himself?
He lost the huile d'olive.
A Zen master walked up to a hot dog stand, and ordered himself a meal.
"Make me one with everything."
My Italian friend always locks himself out of the house...
A chemist froze himself to -273.15°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
What did yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
A man drew a line on himself to prove a point
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
What did Master Yoda say when he first saw himself in 4k resolution?
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
What did Yoda say when he saw himself on a 4K TV?
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