Always improve and sharpen yourself
If you have the soldiers named Salt and Pepper in your squad then consider yourself lucky.
They're seasoned veterans
Good way to land yourself in jail
How do you defend yourself from a gang of clowns that come at you?
If you need to keep warm just make fun of yourself 8 times...
STOP 👏 calling yourself a communist if you aren't Russian!
It's Karltural appropriation
Steel yourself for this one
How do you introduce yourself to a butcher?
What do you do if you find yourself in Jurassic Park?
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"
The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"
In the Seine-et-Marne region of France you can bail yourself out of prison using cheese
It's called playing the 'Get out of jail Brie card'
Happy New Year! Remember kids, you need to make some good resolutions to become a better version of yourself.
If you don’t, they’ll just go in one year and right out the other.
Figure out the joke yourself
Can you teach yourself telepathy?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
If you put a picture of yourself in a locket...
You could say you’re independent.
Sometimes, when you find yourself walking through a shallow pool for no reason...
...you have to stop and ask yourself what you’re wading for...
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
If you ever lock yourself out of your house, just talk to the lock calmly.
Because communication is key.
Daughter: Nice tree, dad! Are you putting up yourself?
Dad: No I'm putting up in the living room.
Don’t expose yourself to loud frequencies for too long...
How would you describe yourself in three words?
When you find yourself a little mad...
There is one place in this world where you can truly love yourself.
Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
Always beleaf in yourself
Figure out the joke yourself
I'll never forget when my dad told me, "Find yourself a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you!” A little taken aback, I asked him what he meant. He explained...
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them!"
So, where do you see yourself in 5 years.
My best friend made me some cookies the other day. "Wow, did you make them yourself?"
"Yeah," He responded
"They're Homie made."
Always important to bee yourself
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun
Describe yourself in three words
If the cops take you in, where do you relieve yourself?
What do you tell yourself when you wake up with fever and realize you are late for work?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I'm more focused on now, since I only have 20 20 vision
META POST: Conducting yourself properly
C4 yourself what happens next week!
I was wrestling with my 7 yr old just now and introduced him to "stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."
I feel that i have passed the tradition down yet another generation. Im going to live forever!
Fred: Can you tell me about that new do-it-yourself orthodontist?
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: Verbally. But I’ve also prepared a dance.
My friend walked up quietly and said, "hi Thomas." Then I heard a whiny voice say "hiii Thommasss." "Did you just make fun of yourself saying hi?" I asked my friend.
"Oh no," he replied. "That's my shoes... I'm wearing mockasins."
If you’re thinking about doing something illegal oil yourself up first.
That way you’re a smooth criminal.
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