Why did the Indian yeast have low self esteem?

His whole life he’s been a naan starter.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_breeding
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Sorry for self promotion.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2JZ_LUV
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was

she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of self-help books do dolphins read?

Leading a porpoise-driven life

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kroctopus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a self governing group of hippos?

Hippotonomous

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mangolimon3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Are clams self aware?

No, they are not conches.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sand_dunes37
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been self isolating with coronavirus

Above all, I’ve found it tough to stay positive.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlietd76
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Did you know β€œtuba” is also an acronym?

Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus

Edit: good lord, I didn’t know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coolhandhutch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Optometrists can be so self obsessed

It’s always eye, eye, eye.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flaxsee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I learned a new Spanish vocabulary word used to describe the self-quarantining pandemic lifestyle:

covida loca

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sac_fo_dayz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I love self derogratory humour

I can never run out of jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aqeel01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Epitome of self control
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a country of male deer with no capacity for self-improvement?

Stagnation

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....

Sofa sew good.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't they have self checkout at the Gap?

Because people got confused when they ask you to swipe your cardigan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usuallyhungover
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 13 year old muslim stuck in self isolation?

A Qur'anteen

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amethhead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Shameless self-promotion
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdenSteden22
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the active ingredient in self raising flour?

Initiative

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BorgClanZulu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: You know I'm a self-made person.

Dad: Your mother and I would like to disagree.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the opposite side of the museum hall, and I was too self conscious to say hello.

There was so much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The first joke my 3yo self ever made

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom.

My dad remembers me being really proud of it and telling everyone, haha!

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SweetSideOfFries
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The easiest way to get in touch with inner self...

is to buy one ply toilet paper

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If self-deprecation was an Olympic Sport

I'd probably just about scrape bronze

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falseoptimism
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Self discovery...

I'm going on a self discovery journey, trying to find my way and reason... Destination How-why.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poven100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the lead singer of disturbed isn’t going to self isolate?

He’s down with the sickness.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/E-radi-cate
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a self isolating director

Quentin Quarantino

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Coffee beans must have the lowest self-esteem...

They’re always getting roasted!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t know if I trust the self-cannibal.

He seems to be full of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Self isolation is getting so bad I’m starting to crush on my roommate.

And we’ve been married more than 27 years!

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Agonda12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I got in touch with my inner self today.

That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fermentus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the English teacher kill her self - cliff hanger!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xmattar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

Personally, I think it’s nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I have hard time reading self help books...

I don’t why, I just can’t help myself.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicholasmooth
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
fine enough, self advertisement? i think not.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I have to self-isolate for 7 days

That's week

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banks987
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What man made plant can take care of it self into adulthood

Self raising flower.

I'll see myself out now.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesusloveskfc
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
They had self-driving cars in Russia

As they say: In Soviet Russia, Cars drive you...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basyt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ll let my self out
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beldrix
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?

A freelancer.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who’s paid to share videos of them self sneezing on social media?

An influenzer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmca420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.

I replied "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."

EDIT: "Now he's asking me for a byte of cookies... "

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guitarman1103
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm attending a self-help group for compulsive talkers

It's called on and on anon

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Think I’ll self-isolate in my tent..

Just call me Tentin’ Quarantino.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tab232
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I would tell a self deprecating joke

But I'm not very good at it

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym...

For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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