He Puns

He thought homes were built, not born.

In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.

And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”

(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)

"Ah still love Vista Baby....."

He said no.

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

But he was 0K.

He said "There was a sail."

He said “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house!”

Told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.

So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.

So I said "it depends on which pier you mean. Can you use it in a sentence?"

His reply: "Yes. How do you spell pier?"

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

He said “Nah, that’s a freebie”

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌

He goes undercover

"It wouldn't hurt"

are you on a pant based diet?

He wanted to pass with flying colors.

I thought of that myself.

There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”

He’ll come around eventually.

Dead ant, dead ant … dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, DEAD ANNNNT!

I also told him "now you'll be able to put your nose up at someone and give them the cold shoulder at the same time"

He thought I was "very punny"

Hasta barista baby.

In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.

Urinate out of 10

...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right: the Very model of a modern major general.

I told him you can't have your Kate and Edith too!!

A Thor foot.

Mycoxafloppin

Cop: "Do you think I am stupid ? I can see you through the window."

Mee: "You are not coming in."

Cop: "I don't want to come in. I want you to step out of your car !!"

"That's M'Shell on my back!"

"How far ya think I can kick this bucket?"

The little shit wants me to be gunned down in an alley.

I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter... A remote location.

Ah chute