Herb puns

Today my chef asked me to grab her some spices. I yelled from outside " I'm cumin, just give me some thyme "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spaige2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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What did Ronald Reagan’s wife say when he asked her if she wanted a new herb garden?

Oh-Reagan-no!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avian_mojo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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My best friend is allergic to certain herbs.

I'm afraid it's just a matter of thyme...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Melomanu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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I just got a letter from a herb and spice company demanding the $100 I owe them.

If I don't pay them within a week, they have threatened to send the bay leafs around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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A friend of mine just died from eating too many herbs

It was his Thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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What's a postmans favourite herb?

Parcely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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My wife just threw away my favourite herb.

She's such a Thyme waster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMDR_Gungoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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When do you add herbs to your dish?

When it’s thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TiesG92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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What do you call the King of herbs?

Elvis Parsley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I was at my parents house over the weekend. As a joke, I swapped all the labels around on their herbs and spices.

They haven’t noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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What did the herb farmer say when he was running behind schedule?

We’re in a thyme crunch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSquirrelyOne_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Whenever I cook, I'm always left with excess herbs.

Guess I just have great Thyme management.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourpaljenkins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I served a female deer with herbs to my family at a recent dinner party.

Calling it "Spit-Roasted Dill Doe" was maybe a little unwise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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After many years of designing, the government has released a new type of currency made out of herbs.

They spent a lot of thyme on it, but now it's mint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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My friend Herb was kidnapped!

I just received a ransom call from a unrecognized number asking if I want to get Herb alive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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After many years of procrastination I have finally finished my book on common herbs...

It's about thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sludgemonkey01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Why did the kid rub herbs on his scraped knee?

Because his Dad told him thyme heals all wounds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPHarrison007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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the other night, my dad taught me his famous stew recipe. it went great, the only issue we had was with the herbs i wanted to use. he told me β€œyou’re wrong about the parsley...

but that’s okay because you’re right on thyme”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisLeePortland
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My brother and I were just reminiscing about the herb garden our family had when we were kids.

Good thymes...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I tried to make a belt out of Italian herbs, but it didn’t work

It was just a waist of thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuclear-trail-mix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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My fresh herbs will go bad soon

I want to make pesto but I’m running out of thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/animel4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I want to share some information on cultivating herbs.

It's sage advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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I dropped my jar of herbs. After I picked them all up, my cat knocked the jar over again

Picking them up yet again was such a waste of thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pusilli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What do you call moving herbs?

A thyme traveller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gyrating_Tautle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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I'm so damn tired of these daily repetitive boring Herb jokes. Honestly..

It's Thyme to stop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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Anyone else noticing a recent influx of herb related jokes?

It is that thyme of year, I suppose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/entropolous
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Whst did the herb gardener say to the sloppy chef?

Please, don't waste my thyme!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bl-nkfr-nk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up

Good thymes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuqers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I asked a friend to help me weed my herb garden today.

He declined, well, it was probably the wrong thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rahastes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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I poisoned my enemies herbs.

Guess it was his thyme to go.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dankpenguin69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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A friend suggested I added herbs to my soup.

Sage advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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My dad invented a belt made of herbs that takes you 5 minutes into the future.

It took 6 minutes to put on. It was a waist of thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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UPS says my book on evergreen herbs from the mint family lamiaceae is going to be delivered tomorrow by end of day.

It's about thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eth0null
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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I wanted to plant every herb in my garden.

But I just don't have the thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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My Dad grows herbs as a hobby.

He has way too much Thyme on his hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oheligud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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I didn’t pay attention to what herb I bought

Turns out it was a big dill. I’m allergic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...

"Third thyme's a charm."

--

Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I finally finished my book on herbs.

Some might say it’s about thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grimstache
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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I'd like to experiment with more herbs and spices

But I just haven't got thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LGPxters
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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I keep being awakened by dreams of Indian dishes that use a complex combination of spices or herbs, usually including ground turmeric, cumin, coriander, ginger, and fresh or dried chilies...

It's a re-curry-ing nightmare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.

I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRyeti18
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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I was whipping up some pesto when I realized I was out of an herb to add flavor. Luckily, my son's guitar was handy....

I was able to add some bass-il to my tasty sauce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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We tried planting some herbs in the back yard.

The basil has done fine, the other died. I turned to my wife and said, β€œwell, there’s no thyme in quarantine!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeepTheFaith613
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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People ask me how I take such good care of my herb garden...

Really I have nothing but thyme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRowdiest
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I told my wife I was going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order. She said "Where would you find the time ?"

I said, "Easy, right next to the sage"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I told my wife, β€œI’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.”

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œThat should be easy. Next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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I told my wife that I’m going to arrange all the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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