What kind of news does a helicopter read?

Uplifting ones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oofsoof
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
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A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips.

The barman replies β€œsorry mate we only do plain”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clubdrop14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
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I walked into a shop and asked if they had any helicopter flavour chips...

They said "no sorry we only have plane".

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TopDawg117
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I bet this helicopter wooden fly
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuackRamRez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
What is a fleet of helicopters called?

Hellacopters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanPitza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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Did you hear the one about the helicopter?

Never mind, it would go over your head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jo-Sizzle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.

Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.

His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.

"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."

"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.

"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."

"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."

"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyLeo1337
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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What do you get if you cross jelly with a helicopter?

A jellycopter.

A joke my daughter told me when she was about 6.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SillySimonUK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the helicopter fly into the ground?

Because the heavencopter was the one in the sky!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emider
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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Hey you know those silent stealth helicopters?

No. Haven't heard of those.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinusGreen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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When I wanted to buy a helicopter, my wife said I shouldn't make impulsive purchases.

I said, "You're right! I should take it out for a spin first."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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An ode to Helicopter

Helithotpter
Helisoldierter
Helipigter
Heliplebter
Helicitizenter
Helisnobter
Velicopraptor
Helichoclactor
Helichopter
Smellycopter
Helicorpseter
Jerryschmockter
Bellyhopter
Jellyslobter
Heliflopter
Spellicopter
Berrycocktail

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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I love being a helicopter parent.

I get to show my daughter things she would have never seen from the ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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What do you call a helicopter made of old fabric?

An apatche

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberneticpencil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Did you hear about the helicopter crew who rescued a CNN reporter?

It was on r/upliftingnews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanm1903
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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Never shave in a helicopter...

Unless you want Apache beard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maester_Magus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve heard of helicopter parents...

But I’ve yet to meet a baby helicopter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tytypec
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What's wrong with Mickey Mouse's helicopter?

Disneyland

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arroword-Warrior
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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(In Scottish Accent) What's wrong with Mickey Mouse's helicopter...

Disneyland

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keano1205
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do underpants and helicopters have in common?

In an emergency they both have to go down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geogdog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Mickey Mouse's helicopter?

Disneyland

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nodogsaloud
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the helicopter that crashed into a cemetery?

They found like 200 dead bodies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/authenticstubbs
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a police helicopter?

A heli-copper!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksaramander
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a bar and asked for helicopter flavoured and crisps...

Sorry sir, we only have plane!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VideoNutterhead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
🚨︎ report
A nervous soldier had jumped from a helicopter. He Radioed to his commander: "Are you sure these parachutes are safe?"

The commander chuckled, reassuring the solider. "We've had no complaints about them."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Vinushka-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
🚨︎ report
I was on a date in a helicopter and the pilot turns and says to me,

"Be careful what you do back there, you could catch a VEN-AERIAL disease!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremiahvedder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you combine a helicopter and a rhinoceros?

Hell if I know.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuincyDental
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend's dad delivered a beauty the other day. What happened when a girl backed into a helicopter?

Disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackymac_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Why don't more guys helicopter their penis in front of their girlfriends?

Because that's a dick move

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flamingtoetaco
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the airplane say to the helicopter?

Mad props, yo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pirate's helicopter?

An Eye-patchy helicopter! >>(Apache)

.

Ill show myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MateoElFidel
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Why is that helicopter coming at me sideways, bro.

He must have a bad attitude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bytepsyze
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a helicopter and a rinosaurus?

Helifino

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NCKellogg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies

β€œsorry mate we only do plain.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why isn't a fleet of helicopters....

just called hellacopters?

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
🚨︎ report

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