You never see people on them hover boards anymore...

..guess they never really took off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joearundel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
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Punny movie premises and product slogans (don't miss the hover text) qwantz.com/index.php?comi…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NorthernPika
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2013
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The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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I was in the garden last night and to my surprise there was this huge UFO, just hovering....

So, I rushed indoors to get the worst camera I could find, to film it with.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.

These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.

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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Cellocopter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riccichar041
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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The alt-text in today's XKCD is pretty great. xkcd.com/2007/
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elzanna
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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My homemade superhero costume! Batman! imgur.com/dw9HpBf
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blaykk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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Two woman are sitting on a roof because their town is being flooded

The second woman looks to the first woman and asks what they should do?

"God will save us" she says.

The two women sit there for a while and watch the water continue to rise. Eventually a rescue team in a rubber dinghy turn up.

"Jump on" says the rescuer. The second woman quickly jumps into the dinghy. The first woman looks annoyed and states bluntly that "God will save me". The rescuer shakes his head and drives off.

A few hours go by and the rain begins falling harder and harder. The entire house aside from the roof is submerged.

She hears the sound of a helicopter before she sees it. The helicopter hovers above and throws down a rope ladder.

"Climb up!" Shouts the rescuer.

The woman shakes her head refusing to move "No, god will save me".

The rescuer shakes his head and the helicopter flies off.

Time passes by and the water is now up to the top of the roof. She hears an aeroplane swoop in low overhead, dropping life jackets along the street for anyone left behind.

"No" she shakes her head "God will save me!"

The inevitable happens and after she drowns the storms into heaven upset. "God! Why didn't you save me?"

He looks to her and rolls his eyes. "Well I sent a boat, a helicopter and a life jacket what else do you want me to do?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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Reminder: You now all have the opportunity to use one of the oldest dad jokes in the book - "I haven't _______ all year!"

Examples:

  • I haven't seen you all year!
  • I haven't eaten all year
  • I haven't slept all year

And variants thereof.

Happy New Year :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RomanAbramovich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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15 year old dad joke that I've never forgotten

So when I was a kid, my family and I were in San Francisco on a ferry to visit Alcatraz. We noticed an interesting Seagull that was hovering over our boat with no feet!

Me: Wow look at that seagull, it has no feet! Wonder what happened...

Dad: He must have been defeated...

Groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasmEludesYou
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
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Learning to drive...

So, when I was first learning to drive (actually my first time operating the car), my dad was teaching me to control the engine's RPM. However, he likes to troll me every once in awhile; this is what he did. Keep in mind we're parked in our driveway, parking break on, in neutral...

"Alright, weediereedie, you're going to want to hover around 2000 RPM, so I want you to really concentrate on keeping the engine at that speed. Hear what the engine sounds like when you go too far, or go under." I concentrate really intensely, and lose focus on what's going on around me. All of a sudden, my dad shouts in my ear "WATCH OUT THERE'S A TRUCK ABOUT TO CRASH INTO US!!" I immediately duck my head, cry out in fear, and slam my foot on the gas, while my dad cracks up in the passenger seat to the point of tears. Love you, Dad...most of the time :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weediereedie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
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I was so so proud of this one

I'm playing skyrim but I'm too much of a lazy bum to walk/run to my destination so I go into console and type in tcl and just run straight through the clouds to my quest. My friend asks me what I'm doing (he just walked in and isn't looking at me) and I explain that I'm hovering 3000 or so feet above a major city. "Hamza," he asks, "how many drugs are you on?" "Oh, I'm not on drugs. I'm just really high."

It's lame but it's my first one and I'm rather proud of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamza78ch11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2014
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The guy at the tuxedo store keeps hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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The tailor at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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The guy at the tuxedo store was hovering over me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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The shopkeeper at the tuxedo store kept hovering over me, so I told him to leave me alone.

He said, β€œFine. Suit yourself.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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