Too dangerous to be left alive
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
Don't think too much
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
I wonder if he ate the wrapper too
π︎ 45
π
︎ May 15 2021
His Outlook is not too good
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 06 2021
too high
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
I told my girlfriend that I thought sheβd drawn her eyebrows on too high.
π︎ 24
π
︎ May 18 2021
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 17 2021
Itβs too late to make Suez Canal jokes now
π︎ 160
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
And Iβm sure he felt the burn too!
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Idk I'm too single to understand
π︎ 80
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.
He has selfie steam issues.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
Too Greasy?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 22 2021
Did you know in the 1950βs Hawaii passed a law that people were not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel due to too many noise complaints?
Now you can only do a-low-ha
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 19 2021
I'm not saying your perfume is too strong.
I'm just saying the Canary was alive when you got here.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 17 2021
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
I can't dance too
π︎ 65
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
I ate too much gunpowder
It gave me explosive diarrhea.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 14 2021
It carried over into real life, too!
π︎ 23
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
I got too much
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
If a cat tries to jump too far, they tend to pay a price.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 15 2021
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
π︎ 56
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
i have too much free time.....
π︎ 46
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
That costume is too small to be a harp!
Are you calling me a lyre?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
I've served too long behind bars, I didn't choose this life
But anyway, what can I get ya?
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 04 2021
My wife loves it when I blow cold air on her when she's too hot..
Personally I'm not a fan.
π︎ 132
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
My wife says I am spending too much money on mirrors
Itβs time for some self reflection
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 11 2021
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
I ran after the garbage truck yelling βam I too late for the garbage?β
The driver stopped and said βNo, jump right in!β
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 07 2021
At least he wasn't too chicken to complain
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
I hope this one isnβt too cheesy
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
Make Band Names Edible (Taken Way Too Seriously). Youβre welcome.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
How many fire flies does it took too screw in a light bulb?
No one knows exactly, but it takes a lot. They aren't that bright.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
I crossed the border into Mexico without much hassle. Crossing it a second time was fine too, but on the third time a guard stopped me and said βSorry
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
Ugh too much sugar I'm drowning here!
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
What do you call a cow thatβs too smart for its own good?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 02 2021
I've got too much thyme on my hand.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
The moon is full tonight, do you think he eats too much?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
what happens when a dad joke is too dark and edgy for this subreddit!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
What sound do you make when you swept the floor too fast?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
I bought one of those 'smart light switches ', but it was much too clever.
So, I replaced it with a dimmer switch.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
I went to an all you can eat Lebanese restaurant today and had too much to eat.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
My friends say I make too many action movie puns.......
I told them I can't help it, old habits DIE HARD.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
My wife loves it that I blow cold air on her when she's too hot...
Personally, I'm not a fan.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
