“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
A man was tired of drinking well water as he didn't like the taste. In fact, he hated it so much that he decided to destroy the well using dynamite. Unfortunately...
It didn't end well.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and c approach I guess
“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
I wrote an article about replacing noisy light bulbs with quiet LED ones. I found a fitting title as well.
Silence of the lamps.
What do you get when playing football as well as when asking a girl out?
A hard pass.
When chrome starts hogging the road as well with slickity slackity rims.
Are French speaking people celebrating 420 as well? Or do they just call it 80?
Happy Father's Day applies to all humans and animals as well. But apparently it doesn't matter to elephants.
For them, it's irrelephant.
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
...independent!"
We may as well have aliens attacking this year. WHO knows?
Trump joke.
I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor.
Even my blood is a Type O!
My husband walked into the proctologists office, and I knew then that the doctor must have a child as well when I heard the words from the other side of the door,
>Here comes the plane!
I heard stores are running out of butter as well.
That's not even margarinely funny
"Hey, I'm Bill." "Well! I'm Bill as well." "Then I guess we are the Bills."
"Hmm. Then who's gonna pay us?"
Talking to a guy about a building a fence. I feel I’ve settled into my role as dad pretty well.
I know a kid who was born without eyelids. His parents decided to have him circumcised and used his foreskin as a skin graft for his eyelids. The surgery went really well....
.... although afterwards he was a bit cockeyed.
Thought it fits here as well /r/3amjokes/comments/f44w…
My friend graduated with a degree in geometry was well prepared for his career as a farmer...
He had bought his protractor in school.
My Muslim friend's opticians closed down recently as it wasn't doing well
It was silly of him to call it Asif Eyecare
I get ignored so much, might as well be called terms and conditions
Did you hear about the soldier who lost one foot in a battle, and fought on, only to lose his other foot as well?
He was finally defeeted.
I made a pun image for a character from a video game i like, someone said it would fit in here as well
This will make you speechless as well... XD
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center... The interviewer asked me if I can work well under pressure
Why did the C++ programmer do so well at his new job as a packaging and design engineer?
Because he was very good at orienting objects.
(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)
My wife keeps telling me writing my V's as B's makes me Russian. Well, if that's the case..
.. then Soviet!
It was annoying when our local shop stopped stocking my favourite almond milk. It was even more frustrating when the tofu was removed as well.
If it carries on like this, I’m really going to start losing my Tempeh
My dwarf friend wasn’t doing too well on his job as a waiter and got fired.
He was struggling to put food on the table.
I thought this might belong here as well reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..." reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
I have two brothers that live here and I do have one sister as well...
she’s abroad.
As a sewage tech, I am well qualified for government work...
I have lots of experience in waste management.
My wife asked me to get the milk from the fridge. I asked if she wanted slim or whole. She said whole. I asked if she needed the butter, as well. She said no.
She wanted the milk, the whole milk, and nothing but the milk.
My son had a project on killer whales, and I decided to send my own project as well
http://imgur.com/iOnOxLe
I like both the Dexter from the cartoon as well as the one from the series.
I guess you could say I'm... ambidextrous.
Took a sleeping pill and was able to write just as well with both hands...
...now I'm Ambiendextrous!
Pandas are already so cute and loveable. I don't know why they behave so ridiculously as well.
I think they're just pandaring to their audiences
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
...independent!"
“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”
“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”
