Vest ever pun
π︎ 6k
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︎ Oct 15 2019
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Never ever spell part backwards,
π︎ 2k
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︎ Apr 09 2021
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know Iβm getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beerβ¦.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! β€οΈ
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
π︎ 114
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?
You donβt know what youβre missing
π︎ 313
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︎ Apr 09 2021
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?
Exactly. Because they're damn good at it!
π︎ 83
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
π︎ 49
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
π︎ 12k
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Has anyone actually ever seen Big Foot?
π︎ 22
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︎ Apr 16 2021
I've had the most emotional cake day ever
π︎ 246
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
You ever wonder
if homeless people tell knock-knock jokes?
π︎ 35
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︎ Apr 08 2021
My boss said to me "You're the worst train driver ever! How many have you derailed this year?!"
I said "I don't know... it's hard to keep track"
π︎ 493
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Ever wanted to contact a dead Italian ?
π︎ 66
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees
because they are really good at it.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 08 2021
My boss just told me that Iβm the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Why donβt ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because theyβre full of anty bodies
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Did I ever tell the story of the time I went to the seafood disco?
π︎ 85
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︎ Mar 12 2021
If I ever win a big monetary prize or inheritance, I'll change my last name to Bates.
My butler won't be amused though.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 23 2021
A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Ever thought about farming?
You too, could be out standing in your field!
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 14 2021
Ever hear of Henry, Santa's brown nosed reindeer?
He is just as fast as Rodolph but couldn't stop as quickly.
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Why shouldnβt you ever fight a dinosaur?
Youβll just get Jurasskicked.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
Have you ever smelled mothballs???
How do you spread their tiny, little legs open?
Asking for a friend
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Guys! I came up with the most offensive joke ever!
π︎ 23
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Whatβs the best thing to ever come from Oklahoma?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
Anyone ever wonder why dads have so many great jokes?
We have a dad-abase full of them.
π︎ 276
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
Ever heard about the woman who only did rap battles, when she was on her menstrual period?
They said she had a mean flow.....
π︎ 18
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Don't ever try to explain drones to the elderly
It just goes right over their heads
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 12 2021
I hadnβt used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I donβt mean to brag but this is the single greatest post Iβve ever made on reddit.
π︎ 22
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︎ Feb 05 2021
Ever stop and think about how your car muffler reduces engine noise?
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Being a parent is hard - my son won't ever let me have a good night's sleep; so when my wife came home the other day and asked why I was so red...
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
Today, my wife apologized to me for the first time ever. She said...
...sheβs sorry she ever married me.
π︎ 35
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︎ Mar 03 2021
About the Ever Given cargo ship...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
No one will ever make a successful video game about running a coffee shop.
Gamers would never put up with the amount of grinding required.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
Why can't the bike ever get up on time?
π︎ 22
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︎ Feb 18 2021
What did the captain of the Ever Given say when the ship ran aground?
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 31 2021
You guys ever notice how there's no vampires in Africa?
Well, from what I know about Vampires, Holy Water can kill them, and from what I've heard they bless the rains down in Africa.
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 04 2021
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Have you ever wandered why it takes the President so long to complete a sentence when he speaks?
I guess heβs just Biden his time.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Have you ever heard the plot to the movie βCarsβ?
π︎ 11
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Why donβt photons ever need help with their luggage?
Theyβre traveling light.
π︎ 89
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︎ Mar 11 2021
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 27 2021
My boss said to me, βYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?β
I said, βIβm not sure. Itβs so hard to keep track.β
π︎ 645
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Do you think glass coffins will ever be a thing?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Why donβt you ever see elephants hiding in palm trees?
π︎ 53
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︎ Mar 14 2021
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