Vest ever pun
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Oct 15 2019
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
Never ever spell part backwards,
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know Iβm getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beerβ¦.
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! β€οΈ
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
π︎ 114
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?
You donβt know what youβre missing
π︎ 313
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?
Exactly. Because they're damn good at it!
π︎ 83
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
π︎ 49
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Has anyone actually ever seen Big Foot?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
I've had the most emotional cake day ever
π︎ 246
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
You ever wonder
if homeless people tell knock-knock jokes?
π︎ 35
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
My boss said to me "You're the worst train driver ever! How many have you derailed this year?!"
I said "I don't know... it's hard to keep track"
π︎ 493
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Ever wanted to contact a dead Italian ?
π︎ 66
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees
because they are really good at it.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
My boss just told me that Iβm the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Why donβt ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because theyβre full of anty bodies
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Did I ever tell the story of the time I went to the seafood disco?
π︎ 85
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
If I ever win a big monetary prize or inheritance, I'll change my last name to Bates.
My butler won't be amused though.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Ever thought about farming?
You too, could be out standing in your field!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
Ever hear of Henry, Santa's brown nosed reindeer?
He is just as fast as Rodolph but couldn't stop as quickly.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
Why shouldnβt you ever fight a dinosaur?
Youβll just get Jurasskicked.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
Guys! I came up with the most offensive joke ever!
π︎ 23
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
Whatβs the best thing to ever come from Oklahoma?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
Anyone ever wonder why dads have so many great jokes?
We have a dad-abase full of them.
π︎ 276
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
Ever heard about the woman who only did rap battles, when she was on her menstrual period?
They said she had a mean flow.....
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
Don't ever try to explain drones to the elderly
It just goes right over their heads
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
I hadnβt used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I donβt mean to brag but this is the single greatest post Iβve ever made on reddit.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
Ever stop and think about how your car muffler reduces engine noise?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
Being a parent is hard - my son won't ever let me have a good night's sleep; so when my wife came home the other day and asked why I was so red...
I told her I was just completely sunburnt
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
Today, my wife apologized to me for the first time ever. She said...
...sheβs sorry she ever married me.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
About the Ever Given cargo ship...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
No one will ever make a successful video game about running a coffee shop.
Gamers would never put up with the amount of grinding required.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
Why can't the bike ever get up on time?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
What did the captain of the Ever Given say when the ship ran aground?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
You guys ever notice how there's no vampires in Africa?
Well, from what I know about Vampires, Holy Water can kill them, and from what I've heard they bless the rains down in Africa.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Have you ever wandered why it takes the President so long to complete a sentence when he speaks?
I guess heβs just Biden his time.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Have you ever heard the plot to the movie βCarsβ?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
Why donβt photons ever need help with their luggage?
Theyβre traveling light.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
My boss said to me, βYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?β
I said, βIβm not sure. Itβs so hard to keep track.β
π︎ 645
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Do you think glass coffins will ever be a thing?
π︎ 37
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
Why donβt you ever see elephants hiding in palm trees?
π︎ 53
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
1 pun was hidden from this page.
Show all.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
