She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.
Hey Dad, you ok?
Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.
"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."
Either way, the silver bullets worked.
A broken drum... you can’t beat it
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
My old man is quite a character. He once took my sister and I freshwater fishing and taught us how to bait a hook with nightcrawlers. We were perhaps 7 or 8, and somewhat sheltered, so of course what happened next went right over our heads.
Dad: hey, kids! Which of you is better at baiting a hook? Which of you is the •removes sunglasses• master baiter?
My sister and I, of course, immediately begin arguing about it. That wily old man had us going back and forth "I'm the master baiter!", "No, I am!", "No, me!". Dad, meanwhile, was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes.
Tl;dr- my Dad is a fucking smart ass
"Because you'll work grooves into them."
They both could be Lego-lass
I nodded and said, "You know what I mean, Vern?"
My wife didn't get it, but the counselor and I couldn't stop laughing.
I think it's hillaryous
As I was leaving the Home Depot today an elderly man likely in his 70's approached me and said,
"Hey young man I want to tell you something, you how they always see bees flying around gas stations?"
I didn't but I wanted to leave so I said "yes"
He says "Well they found out the bees are using the bathroom while they're flying around the gas station... And you know what their favorite gas station is?"
I say "Ummm nope"
He says "BP! Bee pee! You get it!"
I got a good laugh at that one and for some strange reason I feel that some number of years from now I will be trolling the Home Depot parking lot making Bee Pee jokes and someone will send me back in time to save dad joking for future generations and I will tell myself that joke for the first time today...
We were just having a couple beers and watching football when our waitress came by and showed us the tip she received- a $1 bill folded into an origami frog. Friend: "How do you make $1 origami frogs?" Me: "Well, first you start with $1 origami tadpoles" (collective groan)
My mom was talking about her eyes and how she has a cataract in one of them, when my dad said "Cataract? I told you to get a Mercedes!"
Head-shakes from my mom and I and blank stares from the rest of the table.
My wife ordered some linen pants from Land's End. She got them earlier this week, and was concerned that since it's October, it's too late in the year to wear them to work. But she really liked the pants.
She made the mistake of asking me what I thought, so I said the first thing that came to mind:
"Linen doubt? Whip it out!"
A broken drum... you can’t beat it
A broken drum... you can’t beat it
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
