Now shes just my uncles widow.
Uncles are funny but Dads are way punnier
They've got aunts in their pants!
When he's Irohttated
He's always a cousin
My uncle's in dyer need.
(To my cousin)
Me: Who are you dating now?
Cousin: Alexis
Uncle: I told him not to date a car, They're too high maintenance.
(Groans, etc.)
She closed due to terrier-able sales.
It was a good aluminum foil
My great uncle just passed on Sunday. The family had known for a few days it was near the end. His family gathered around him on his death bed, with some flying in from other states to say their goodbyes.
"Dad," says his daughter, "[Grandson] flew in from San Francisco just to see you."
My great uncle woke up for moment and said, "Boy, his arms must be tired."
Those were his last words.
I was glad to have the auntie dote.
“OH MY GOD, A BUS!!!!!”
His jokes are quite corny.
Him: "You know what they call me back home,right?" Me:"What?" Him:"Carl."
Relephants
My uncle posted a status that his wife finally got granted citizenship:
Uncle: Today, Mrs. [wife] is an American citizen! She is now legally allowed to waste food, hate foreigners and accept Jesus as lord and savior
Dad: And bear arms... can't forget that part.
Uncle: She doesn't have bear arms... she shaves.
(No offense intended)
http://imgur.com/a/voxEK
Not sure if imgur links are allowed either. I've never posted to this sub before and the rules are a little confusing but my uncle makes me laugh so I wanted to share
and he showed me an old photograph of a family friend.
Me: "You weren't kidding about him being in the picture for a long time."
Him:"Yep, ever since they took it."
uncle: it's another chinese night
me: chinese night? what do you mean?
uncle: there is a little nip in the air
Every single time he drives past the cemetery he says 'People are dying to get in there!'.
I think my parents have told this story about 100 times now and it never gets old.
My dad's uncle Vern was out at dinner with my family and when the food came out the Waitress held a pepper grinder over Vern's food and asked if he would like some fresh ground pepper. He said sure, then reached over to the middle of the table, grabbed the pepper, and proceeded to use that pepper on his food as the waitress watched in total confusion still holding out the pepper grinder.
We were trying to pull the dock in to do some work on it and it was a little bit windy so it was difficult to pull in by hand with a rope. One of my uncles asks "Do you have a winch?" My other uncle responds: "They're all up in the kitchen doing dishes!"
So my cousin (said uncle's child) is teaching us all sign-language and all the things he can say. My uncle goes "Wow, you're so bright. I should call you sun."
True to dad-joke form, he just kept looking at us, lightly chuckling.
Mom: he's Russian. Uncle: where's he rushin' to? LOLLLLLOL
One time, two ships carrying only cheese crashed in the middle of the ocean, and all that was left was da Brie.
Upon seeing cows lying in a field:
Cousin, sister, myself (whoever unwittingly made the joke in his presence): "Oh look! Ground beef!"
Uncle: "Thank God it's not beef stroganoff..."
http://imgur.com/jZlpO9l
