Your uncle had some really crazy reasons for joining the railroad.
My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn't figure out his blood type.
At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, "Be positive!"
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew of the shelves.
My uncle was in a terrible accident, and lost the entire left side of his body.
I've an uncle who works for the symphonie part-time.
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office
It’s a pretty big undertaking
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...
It was a good aluminum foil
My uncle is really good at fishing. He always knows exactly what kind of worm to put on his fishing hook, in order to catch the desired kind of fish.
One might say he is a master baiter.
There's a variant of the dad joke which is called the uncle joke
The punchline might not be apparent but at least it's all groan up
The guy who colors the cloth quit my uncle's factory without warning.
What's the difference between a dad joke and an uncle joke?
Whether you groan or moan
My uncle drink dialed me the other night and told me he was going on an exclusively almond diet.
I said, "That's just nuts."
My uncle always jokes that reaching the remote is middle aged yoga.
I say, Yoga?! Pff, that’s a stretch.
Did you hear that they are going to change the Uncle Ben’s logo?
It’s because everyone thought it was ricest.
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.
The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."
Despite being the owner of a very successful nutrition supplements company, my uncle has developed a deficiency
My uncle invested in a company that made the Enter-key for computer keyboards...
He made a fortune in Returns...
My uncle made the best marinade ever.
Calculus Teacher: It’s not the Uncle Derivative.
It’s the Auntie Derivative.
This one is really bad my family was at the pizza place donatos, my uncle says to my dad “do you want more donatos”
My dad says “the whole restaurant?” I laughed because it was so bad
Driving through farmland with the family, my dad randomly says “Hey look! A whole flock of cows!” My uncle corrects him: “Herd of cows...”
Dad: “Of course I’ve heard of cows! Look! They’re all over the damn place!”
My uncle is convinced that his wife prevents flakey scalp in the hair
Son: what's that in the beer glass on the mantle? Me: well, that's your uncle Frank that's where he wanted his remains. It was his favourite beer stein. He always said it would be funny, never got why.
Son: maybe it's so he could be a frank in stein?
Me: Dammit Frank!
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.
“I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”
“Really, what’s the name of his other leg?”
She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying “that’s funny Daddy”...
Love it.
My nephew just called us into the living room, saying "Dad, Uncle Squigles, all the light bulbs blew!"
We walked into him giggling having just asked Alexa to change the lights to blue.
My brother is still cracking up and very proud.
My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will.
I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."
Uncle Kracker's order at the deli
"Give me roast beef, boys, and filet of sole. I also want lox on a Kaiser roll. That's all, today."
My Uncle is one of the best farmers in the world
because he's always out standing in his field.
You wanna know what uncle terry said before he kicked the bucket
How far do you think I can kick this bucket
It’s important to look both ways before crossing the street, but don’t be like your late uncle Carl...
... make sure you are looking left and right, NOT up and down.
My uncle quit the orchestra after the conductor complained he was out of tune
My uncle survived a freak storm at sea. He spent the rest of his life unemployed, telling taller and taller tales about it.
When he died penniless, he was living in squall lore.
My wife accidentally put over $200 of cash through the washer and dryer, her uncle couldn't help himself.
https://imgur.com/a/QDA0hRE
My uncle, aunt, dad and I were in the car talking about our house back home
My dad: "We have some hydrangeas, except the deer ate them down to one inch."
My uncle: "So I guess they're low-drangeas now."
I chuckled, but my aunt sighed heavily.
My uncle owned a bread factory then it burned to the ground, it was toast
Uncle took an Alaskan cruise. Asked how it was to see the Northern Lights
He said, “it gave me chills”
I had an uncle named Stanley, who was a natural in the moving business.
Stanley worked his way up from nothing in a third world country, saving enough to move to America and support his family. His loyal customer base grew by word of mouth, nobody argued with his results. Finally one day, a customer asked him how he managed to be so good at his work, and he merely responded, "I'm from Pakistan."
ba dum tss
As an American army private during WWII, how did my great-uncle fight in the Battle of the Bulge...
My uncle kicked the bucket last week...
His foot has been hurting ever since.
What's the difference between a dad joke and an uncle joke?
Whether you groan or moan.
What did uncle terry say before kicking the bucket
How far do you think I can I can kick this bucket
Your uncle just loves to up the ante.
I remember what my uncle said before he kicked the bucket
"wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
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