[Meta] Don't half ass a pun, Go in puns blazing (resubmit)
So do you call person who's really good in pun as pun master?
Or a pundit? I think I spun it incorrectly.
In honor of former president Donald J. Trump
From my 7yr old daughter: Why was the pig covered in ink?
Because he lived in a pen!
So very proud!
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?
You look for fresh prints
Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?
Like two peas in a (dolphin) pod
Ah yes medical pun (putting the actual joke in the title would kinda ruin it all ngl)
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.
He has selfie steam issues.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
There’s tons of liquidity in this market
"Gloria in Excel sheets Deo"
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
They're building a mirror factory in my town.
I could definitely see myself working there.
They had some nerve posting this in r/TIHI
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?”
I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
This left me in stitches...
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
A man in my gym just proposed and she said no.
They didn’t workout.
Edited: It changed to they.
Thanks lornstar7
Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.
There are two unwritten rules in life
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed ?
Because, it would blow his cover.
I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?
People don’t think the grass be wet in the morning
Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic
But it was a false Salaam.
Can’t believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
I'm going to start a yacht building business in my attic
Sails should go through the roof
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
My wife asked me to put ketchup in the shopping list
Now I can't read anything.
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
Got a lot of it in quarantine
Why won’t superman invest in Bitcoin?
Because his weakness is krypto
I was in a contest where you lost if you talked.
It was quite the competion, to say the least.
A cannibal in Northern Germany is arrested while grilling beef patties.
He is accused of eating both hamburgers and Hamburgers.
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...
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