Work pun regarding a dewar (large metal tank used for liquid nitrogen)
Because I love work PUNS! :D
What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect....
Then they fried me for no raisin.
My friend works in IT and I asked him, “How do you make a motherboard?”
He said, “I usually tell her about my job.”
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!
Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(
[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...
I suppose he'll be getting severance pay.
Why was the math teacher late to work?
I work in a sauce factory and saw an old friend of mine
I walked over to him and said, " Hey! haven't seen you in a really long time! Let's Ketchup!"
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...
So there were 6 of us...
With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)
There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".
Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"
The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.
Best day of my comedic life
A bug hit my windshield on the way to work this morning
I said “I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again”
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could make turkey and duck for dinner.
What did the sound engineer say on his last day of work?
What do you call a woman who works in a sunbed salon?
Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Missionary work is so rewarding
What do you call a prostitute that works the crows nest on a pirate ship?
My brother who works in a tannery has gone missing. We haven't seen hair nor hide of him.
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...
...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.
I bought a coin machine yesterday and I can't figure out how it works
It literally makes no sense
I’m in charge of the reader board at work
Ive checked and checked and i just cant work out why my calculator has stopped working!!!
10 years ago I promised to myself not to touch a drop of drink while I'm at work.
I haven't touched a job since.
I gave up explaining to my Zen master how E-mails work.
He can't just comprehend what attachments are!
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
I asked a scarecrow how he got into his field of work
He said “this job ain’t for everyone, but hay, it’s in my genes.”
What do you call it when a transgender interpreter is late to work?
My friend quit work by having a multi-layer exploding cake...
When it exploded, everyone in the room left with tiers in their eyes!
I don't know why it wooden't work
What did the Buffalo say to his son as he left for work ?
In recent news, a giant had a troubling discovery when he returned home from work.
After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,
"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."
I used to work in a small infantry division that lost its heavy artillery budget...
...It really was a tankless job.
Took a month off work and went to India to find myself...
I was nowhere to be seen.
How are Potatoes paid for their work?
I recently switched from using mayonnaise to using butter for making grilled cheese sandwiches. My wife said she liked them more with the butter, but kindly asked me if it was more work this way?
I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."
Note: this really happened.
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
What kind of clothing should a sheriff at work not go anywhere without?
I recently found out my wiener doesn’t work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since it’s pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today
It was a whisk i was willing to take
As I sat on the toilet late for work I thought..
I dont think have time for this shit
Why was the math teacher late to work?
Because she got on the rhombus.
What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
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