My friend works in IT and I asked him, “How do you make a motherboard?”
He said, “I usually tell her about my job.”
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
What do you call it when you do your work on a shelf
I bought a coin machine yesterday and I can't figure out how it works
It literally makes no sense
I recently switched from using mayonnaise to using butter for making grilled cheese sandwiches. My wife said she liked them more with the butter, but kindly asked me if it was more work this way?
I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."
Note: this really happened.
I don't know why it wooden't work
My ex left me because I was determined to buy van and sell spaghetti out of the back, she told me it wouldn’t work
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
What do you call it when a transgender interpreter is late to work?
I used to work in a small infantry division that lost its heavy artillery budget...
...It really was a tankless job.
I recently found out my wiener doesn’t work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since it’s pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
My Dad(64) always shows up to every event 10 minutes after it's started. We bought him a watch, told him the start time was earlier than it was, we've tried everything, but nothing works...
We just have to accept that he's a Late Boomer.
It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
My buddy once asked me what it's like to work as a high rise window washer...
I said it has its ups and downs.
Communism sounds good on paper, but I'm not sure I'd trust it to work...
It's amazing..to use the fridge at my work, you don't even need an appointment!
I tried to make a belt out of Italian herbs, but it didn’t work
It was just a waist of thyme
A person asked a mailman, “why do you work as a mailman, it gives so little money?”
The mailman responds “It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message”
I tried writing with a broken pencil, but it didn't work.
My co-worker Nicholas is rarely late for work meetings, but it often shows up within 2 minutes of the meeting start time
I guess he likes to show up in the nick of time.
My boss shared this in my work chat today, it took me a moment...
I met a guy from Australia who works in IT
I asked: Do you come from a LAN down under
I put up a scarecrow in my garden the other day and it works so perfectly...
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
My friend told me if I want to get out of doing the dishes, try dropping some of them. I tried it, it didn't work.
But then during babysitting.
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?
I just bought a bed that was advertised as making you fall asleep in under 5 minutes. It didn't work.
I learned how to draw an isometric the other day, but it didn’t work out.
I tried coming at it from a different angle, but it looked really sketchy
I tried making flour mate but it didn't work!
I thought it could be bred!
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.
I saw I was running low on stickers at work so I made a note of it.
I work in a manufacturing mill. It's crazy how many General contractors you see
When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor
Why do so many spiders work in IT?
They're great web-developers.
Stashed a little pot at work. Hopefully nobody finds it.
I was using my drill at work when all of a sudden it heated up so much, it caught fire!
So I called up Dewalt and they said: “not to worry! It’s just a fire drill.”
REDDIT! IM GOING TO BE A DAD!!! :D
Helping my work colleague with her car. "I'm sorry, it's not looking good....
... I think it's caught the car owner virus"
I tried to write a code for dancing robots but it didn’t work
I guess it had no algorithm
A girl I’m dating owns a bakery and works long hours. I don’t think it’s going to work out.
HELP!? How do I make this joke work...cause everyone hates it....
Q: How big was the lonely finch?
A:Ostrich-sized
🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️
A man should always carry a knife. It can cut your food, open beer bottles, be a screwdriver, or even be used as a toothpick. It works great for cleaning your fingernails, and it's quite useful in an emergency situation
like when you have to change someone's mind.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
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