Did you hear about the guy who killed someone while riding a dolphin?

He did it on porpoise.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/Mobius_Arrow

📅︎ Apr 04 2021

🚨︎ report

Our family dog used to chase people riding bikes

It got so bad in the end, we had to take the bikes off him.

👍︎ 29

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👤︎ u/crayonfingers

📅︎ Mar 07 2021

🚨︎ report

Google is riding around on some CHROME rims

👍︎ 2k

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👤︎ u/spinnaker190

📅︎ Oct 08 2020

🚨︎ report

What’s the difference between a man riding a bicycle and a scruffy man riding a tricycle?

Attire.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/archiewalton09

📅︎ Feb 17 2021

🚨︎ report

A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.

One could say it was a sub-lime experience.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/ThePokemasterYT

📅︎ Jan 10 2021

🚨︎ report

I was driving through Las Vegas when I saw an ant riding a gazelle to a wedding chapel.

It was my first time seeing an ant elope.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/Cobclob

📅︎ Jan 10 2021

🚨︎ report

I saw a drunk dude riding in a boat on the chests of four women with average bust size, one of whom had a single mastectomy.

He was sailing on the seven C’s

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/serialcompliment

📅︎ Dec 09 2020

🚨︎ report

What do you call a group of bisexual , bi cycle riding , hiking , Nordic emperors?

BIKINGS

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/Schrodingers_liar

📅︎ Nov 18 2020

🚨︎ report

If you're riding an elephant, you should wear a backpack

You can't put your stuff in the trunk.

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/Malcolm_Y

📅︎ Nov 16 2020

🚨︎ report

My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old

Damn he must be very far away by now

👍︎ 35

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👤︎ u/HassanMoRiT

📅︎ Oct 02 2020

🚨︎ report

I was riding to a beach in this remote part of the district and stopped at this run down petrol pump

A kid was manning the pump and I asked if they take cards He replies with a straight face : No we give it back after swiping

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/regulaslight

📅︎ Sep 16 2020

🚨︎ report

While riding down the road today, a fish jumped out of a boat that was being towed, and smashed into the front of my car.

It wasn't all bad though, I love grilled fish.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Sep 15 2020

🚨︎ report

Did you hear about the sheep riding bandit?

They say he's still on the lamb

👍︎ 22

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👤︎ u/HighPressureH2O

📅︎ Jul 31 2020

🚨︎ report

Here’s a step by step guide for riding an escalator.

Step 1.

👍︎ 92

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👤︎ u/KoronaSenpai

📅︎ Apr 10 2020

🚨︎ report

If lightning struck the engine of a train pulling 50 cars, would someone riding the caboose get shocked?

Only if he’s a good conductor.

👍︎ 18

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👤︎ u/BargleFlargen

📅︎ Jun 18 2020

🚨︎ report

Just got back from riding some go karts with my son.

We had a wheely good time.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/Gregory-De-mayo

📅︎ Jul 25 2020

🚨︎ report

Riding high. v.redd.it/ydfr5f9ohya41

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/KGG_ON_REDDIT

📅︎ Jan 15 2020

🚨︎ report

2 cowboys were riding along and one saw a tree with bacon dangling from the branches. One called out saying "Look a Bacon Tree!" As they went closer to have a look they were confronted with a sky full of arrows. The other cowboy yelled:

This is no Bacon Tree, this is a Ham Bush.

👍︎ 337

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👤︎ u/brendo20

📅︎ Dec 26 2019

🚨︎ report

Ludacris is riding a cow.

Moo bitch, get outda way! 🤨

👍︎ 32

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👤︎ u/Bradb717

📅︎ Jan 14 2020

🚨︎ report

I saw a cyclist riding close to a steep cliff. He hit some gravel and veered away from the road toward the precipice. At the last minute he saved himself by jumping from his bike.

For a moment, I thought he was gone with the Schwinn.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Jun 04 2020

🚨︎ report

I always fall down from my cycle riding on uneven bumpy roads.

It's a vicious cycle.

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/johnreese421

📅︎ Apr 30 2020

🚨︎ report

riding

My son is learning to ride his bike and when he falls off he looks up with tears in his eyes asking 'WHY?"

I just tell him its a vicious cycle.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/MrLivens

📅︎ May 01 2020

🚨︎ report

I once saw a little guy with a red pointy hat riding the D.C. subway, listening to some music, tapping his toes perfectly in time with the beat

He was the greatest Metro Gnome ever.

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/WhatWouldBenLinusDo

📅︎ Apr 16 2020

🚨︎ report

My Dad is currently riding his bicycle across America to raise awareness for Colon Cancer...

[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)

Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...

👍︎ 5k

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👤︎ u/travellingby

📅︎ Oct 26 2017

🚨︎ report

Some thieves recently made off with a bunch of sheep by riding them away.

Be careful, I herd they were on the lamb.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/Writers_On_The_Storm

📅︎ Apr 20 2020

🚨︎ report

What do you call a Dothraki riding a squid?

Khal Amari

👍︎ 183

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👤︎ u/ChewbaccaNZ

📅︎ Oct 21 2019

🚨︎ report

What did the snail say while riding on the turtles back?

Wheeeeeeeee!

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/QuandaryOfRed

📅︎ Jan 11 2020

🚨︎ report

Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator

I was wrong on many levels

👍︎ 186

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👤︎ u/xOffthepost

📅︎ Jan 09 2019

🚨︎ report

I wish I lived in the days of Stagecoaches. I would have loved to have the job riding shotgun..

And bragging to all my friends that I am a Mail Escort.

👍︎ 17

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👤︎ u/jgpitre

📅︎ Nov 13 2019

🚨︎ report

My friend had a small horse that he tried taking trail riding. It died the first trip, unfortunately.

It was a one-trek pony.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Nov 22 2019

🚨︎ report

I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep...

Fortunately, I was only grazed.

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/porkchop_d_clown

📅︎ Apr 02 2019

🚨︎ report

Did you hear about the whale who always wears a helmet when riding a bike?

He does it for safety porpoises

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/Depressed_Citrus

📅︎ Jan 27 2020

🚨︎ report

I have fond memories of riding the heaving waters of California upon our indentured help...

It was fun serfing the waves!

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Jan 01 2020

🚨︎ report

What do you call an owl riding a horse with a sword?

A night owl.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/LadySparta729

📅︎ Aug 08 2019

🚨︎ report

Riding the train couldn't be simpler.

It's a straightforward process.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/Pupikal

📅︎ Oct 25 2019

🚨︎ report

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine

when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.

"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.

"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.

The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"

"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.

They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."

👍︎ 14

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👤︎ u/kachow--

📅︎ Aug 11 2019

🚨︎ report

My parents banned me from riding my Vespa in the yard.

So I just moped around the house all weekend...

👍︎ 28

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👤︎ u/buggaboobooy

📅︎ May 27 2019

🚨︎ report

I used to love riding my bike around Iceland

Until I got kicked out of the shop.

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/orduk

📅︎ Sep 02 2019

🚨︎ report

I just saw a guy riding a bike while trying to sell a donkey.

He was peddling his ass all over town.

👍︎ 15

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👤︎ u/FinalCaveat

📅︎ Jul 03 2019

🚨︎ report

I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/dubaidadjokes

📅︎ Jul 13 2019

🚨︎ report

What is the difference between a man in a tuxedo riding a bicycle and a bum on a tricycle?

Attire

👍︎ 9

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👤︎ u/NeGuy1

📅︎ Feb 01 2021

🚨︎ report

Here’s a step by step guide for riding an escalator.

Step 1.

👍︎ 29

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Apr 15 2019

🚨︎ report