Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
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︎ May 07 2021
My dad used to hit me with cameras
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Why would Adolf hit Ler in the first place tho?
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︎ May 21 2021
Seven Year Old Hit Me With His Best So Far
Driving home after a long week and had been driving for five hours or so on two lane roads through NM and AZ. Hour south of Petrified Forest and see four sheep on the side of the road.
Me: Son see those sheep? There must be a break in the fence and they are wandering away from their ranch.
Son: Well, that sounds baaaad.
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︎ Jun 01 2021
Hits blunt
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︎ May 13 2021
If you hit a math textbook with a calculator...
...would the calculator be considered a weapon of math destruction?
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︎ Apr 29 2021
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
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︎ May 31 2021
Well, this one hit the bar
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︎ Apr 04 2021
Sorry to hear your dad was hit by a boat in Venice.
Please accept my Gondolances.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
Iโve only got my shelf to blame.
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︎ May 06 2021
My wife hit me on the head with a bottle of Concentrated Omega-3 capsules this morning.
I'm okay though.....it was just a super fish oil wound.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
Hit this and you ain't rushin' for hours.
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Over heard a customer at my store say โOK weโre done letโs hit the roadโ
I butted in and said donโt do that itโll hurt.
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︎ May 04 2021
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
My dad used to hit me with a camera
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︎ Apr 30 2021
What sound does an aircraft make when it hits the ground?
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︎ Apr 06 2021
A lorry full of tortoises just hit a van full of terrapins.
Itโs a turtle disaster.
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︎ May 03 2021
What happens when a Hogwarts student runs a marathon then trips and hits their head...
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︎ May 14 2021
Yesterday I got hit by a can.
Thank god! Nothing happened because it was a soft drink.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
During a soccer game, one of the players hit a bird with the ball
The Referee said it was a Fowl.
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︎ May 04 2021
We have an awesome tire swing at our home and my two year old started to push it, with no one on it, and I noticed he was pushing it harder and harder and I got worried it would come back and hit him
He was playing with tire.
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︎ Apr 27 2021
I hit Dwayne Johnson with a magazine
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︎ Mar 01 2021
I got hit with a Pepsi today.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.
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︎ Feb 11 2021
did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
he was lucky it was a soft drink
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, โIโll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Ole and Lena were driving home from town when Ole hit a momma skunk and managed to miss her 3 babies.
Lena could not leave them on the side of the road so they scooped the babies up and put them in the car. As they drove the baby skunks managed to make their way from the floor up Lena's dress and settled on her lap. Lena looked at Ole and said "the skunks are under my dress". Ole said "Zat's OK dear zey are settled down". Lena said "Vhat about the smell?". Ole said, "Oh, don't worry dear they will get used to it!"
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︎ Apr 19 2021
Wife: Suppose you hit a jackpot of a Million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of a million , what will you do?
Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasantโs head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Dukeโs son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.
It would be truly alarming.
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︎ Mar 24 2021
I got hit with a coke today...
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︎ Feb 12 2021
what happens when a car carrying drugs hits you?
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".
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︎ Sep 22 2020
A basso, I could hit none of the notes for the solo of the opera, A Streetcar Named Desire...
But that's not my aria of expertise.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
What was the last thing to go through a fly's mind as he hit the windshield?
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︎ Apr 21 2021
Went out in rain this morning but got hit on the head with a car part.
It was raining Datsun Cogs.
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Why do doctors hit your knee?
They get a small kick out of it
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Iโm addicted to abusing nuns, I just canโt not hit them, the only thing thatโs worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
Iโm trying really hard to kick the abbot
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︎ Feb 12 2021
I'm a big hit every year at Christmas when I tell the Usain Bolt joke.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Why is reproduction such a big hit?
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︎ Feb 26 2021
"Do you know what happens if a car hits a tree going 30mph?" my son asked.
I said, "No, I've never seen a tree moving that fast before."
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
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︎ Dec 28 2020
When the moon hits your knees, you mispronounce countries...
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Willie Nelson got hit by a car
He was playing on the road again
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily, it was a soft drink.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees
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︎ Sep 15 2020
So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.
Please accept my gondolances.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
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