What do you call a lumberjack that can cut down a tree with 1 axe hit?
Space Rocks that hit the Earth are called Meteorites.
The ones that miss are called Meteowrongs.
I was driving my truck down an empty back road when I hit a pig. There was no damage to the truck, so I rolled it into the ditch and drove off, confident that nobody had seen it. The next day, cops show up at my door. Shocked, I asked “how did you find out?”
My herbal addiction is getting out of control. Rosemary, Sage, anything to get that herbal hit. When the money ran out I raided the garden, that's cleared out now. Some friends have been lending me some of theirs, but it's not enough to keep me going.
I'm just living on borrowed thyme.
My wife just hit me with one that caught me completely off guard
We’re sitting here watching a documentary about nabisco and their competitor. At the end she asked if the competitor was still in business. My response “I don’t know, I doubt it. To which she replied, “ I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles
I married the right one
I met a really interesting woman in an abandoned house, and when we met, she sent chills down my spine. She moved so gracefully, that it was almost like she was floating. I thought we really hit it off, so I left her my number, but I never heard back from her.
I guess she’s ghosting me.
I can imagine that if I hit the clock in the morning and then it hit me back
That would be truly alarming.
Our soccer team is so bad that our opponent hit the bar twice in the first half.
They could have at least waited till the end to have a drink.
the first thing the doctors said when I woke up is that they had to hit me nonstop
"oh, so that's why I was unconcious."
We threw a water balloon fight at work today, but one of the balloons that hit our boss wasn't exactly filled with water.
Needless to say, our boss got pissed.
A silly joke from my kid. Did you see that guy in the fancy car hit the curb?
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that got hit by a tornado?
>!Da-brie was everywhere!<
*True Story* Was walking into a local bar for an afternoon of day drinking when I accidentally hit my head on a low hanging tree branch. I told my girlfriend, "That tree just just assaulted me!" She thought she was being witty replied "The tree thinks you assaulted it...."
I turned to her, asked "Do you know what we have here?" removed my sunglasses, "It's a case of he said, tree said."
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
He’s now a seasoned veteran
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.
I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot
Today I was reaching for a board game from our shelf. The one on top of the pile quickly slid down and hit me in the face. It was that game where you go around in a car and add family members, choose a career, have kids, etc.
A painful reminder that LIFE comes at you fast.
A truck hit a bull that was crossing the road last night.
Have you guys heard that the hit WW1 movie 1917 is getting a sequel!
They’re gonna call it 1918.
When that Apple hit Isaac Newton on the head, it gave him a brain embolism
It was a stroke of genius
Did you guys hear about the tornado that hit a cheese shop recently?
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK"
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said “that gave me a heart attack!”
I told him “actually that was a stroke”
Did you hear about the boarding house that was hit by a tornado?
I didn't appreciate reincarnation until I got hit by that truck...
And woke up feeling like a whole new man
If you discipline your Rock, does that mean you hit rock bottom?
I dropped my phone and I was surprised that it didnt hit the floor
turns out it was in airplane mode
"Watch out dad, that sprinkler is going to hit the sidewalk near you!"
"Don't worry buddy, it just mist me."
The doctor said that it looks like my wife got hit by a truck
She has a great personality though
Did you hear about the storms that hit the boy scouts at camp last night ?
Grandpa: Did you see that bug hit the window?
Me: Yep
Grandpa: Bet he doesn’t have the guts to do that again!
Do you guys remember that 'One Hit Wonder' Gotye guy?
One could say that he's now somebody that we used to know.
I just saw a ship builder hit a guy with a structure that runs along the center of a ship's bottom...
He keeled the other fellow just like that!
Did you hear about the drug dealer that was hit by a bus?
He got busted.
Edit: Thank you stranger for the silver!
John Wick said to the ninja, “Bet ya can’t hit me with that thing!?”
Ninja replies, “Shuriken”.
Did you hear about the guy that got hit with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink
When you speak two languages, you hit the phase that you slightly forget both languages.
Rocks that hit planets are called meteorites.
Rocks that miss are called meteowrongs.
If the meteors that hit the earth are called meteorites...
Does that mean the ones that miss are meteorWRONGS?
If you hit that drum again...
There will be repercussions
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