A proud dad sits down to have a drink with his father.
"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."
"Dad you don't mean-"
"Yes son ,i do"
Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition
"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".
The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved
He really raised the bar on that one
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?
Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
What is a crow's favorite drink?
Cawffe
My bf told me this don't blame me.
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"What about some peanuts?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
The anteater replies, "I was born with it!"
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, “It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
Don’t drink with a blacksmith’s wife.
You’re liable to get hammered.
Who can drink 2 litres of Gasoline?
My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer!"
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck. He finishes his drink, and asks for the check.
What kind of cakes can you drink out of?
Why could Shakespeare never get a drink?
Because every time he walked into a pub the landlord would shout, "you're bard"
Whats hitler's least favourite type of drink
My ex and I went for a drink
Walked into a bar owned by romans and asked for drinks for my ex and I. They gave us eleven bottles.
What kind of beer does a frog drink?
My lawyer's favorite drink subpoena colada.
"Have you got something to drink friend?"
"Water."
"Something harder!!"
"Ice"
Sure, I drink brake fluid
What do baby parabolas drink?
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
if someone drinks the same tea every day with no interest in trying any new blends
Where do typists go for drinks?
What is yellow and something you shouldn't drink?
When you order a large combo meal in north korea what size is your drink?
A string walks into a bar and asks for a drink...
Bartender says, "we don't serve strings here."
The string goes outside, ties himself in a knot, frays his hair.
The string goes back inside. The bartender serves him a drink and says, "hey wait a minute, weren't you that string from earlier?"
And the string says, "I'm a frayed knot!"
What kinds of countries do soft drink companies make?
Which alcoholic drink can give you the illusion that you're hurt?
What kind of tea do Brits drink when they’re depressed?
A priest, a pastor and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender asks what they would like to drink.
Then the rabbi says: "Just give me a tea, so I can become an overused joke."
What is a crow’s favorite drink?
So I order a drink on the rocks with a hint of citrus...
I was given a drink with limestone.
Where did the space robot go to get a drink?
The Doctor said I should drink more Scotch
Also, I’m now calling myself The Doctor
Two guys at a bar order drinks. The first says "I'll have some H2O." The second says "Yeah, I'll have some H2O too."
Camomile is a drink for Americans
Camokilometer is the preferred choice in England
What is the best month to drink a lot of beer?
So anyways the barista Taylor goes to hand me my drink....
And I said "thanks a latte."
My doctor told me to drink two bottles of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath
What was Bruce Lee’s favourite drink?
What's a vampire's favorite drink?
What's a Redditor's favorite drink?
MEMEosas
(also pairs well with SaMEMEosas)
What do you call a triangle thats had too much to drink?
What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
“It’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff”, he replied.
“Sure”, said the bartender, “no hassle”.
Why can't people without legs drink milk
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
What state has the smallest drinks ?
Sure, I drink brake fluid.
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