The kid behind the counter said, sorry we only take cash or credit cards
That is, the wurst.
I was able to quit cold turkey
I can't believe he gave up the lox, stocks and barrel.
I guess they successfully cured cancer.
But Iβm not about to quit cold turkey
because everyone else before me went ham on it.
You use the Italian combo.
They dread lox.
That's a wrap.
Wait, wrong sub.
Cause itβs deli-cious
My plan for lunch went a-rye.
He had to dine and dash.
I guess he went ham on that Swiss.
Should I get an employee discount?
Iβm quitting cold turkey.
Because they think the food is deli-ciois.
(I work at a deli that is so slow that I have time to make these terrible puns.)
"Give me roast beef, boys, and filet of sole. I also want lox on a Kaiser roll. That's all, today."
But it's not the funniest: it doesn't have that rye sense of humor.
They always need to have back up locks (lox).
New Delhi
Iβll be here all week
they are a load of bologna.
And thatβs a wrap!
He was charged with bologna-ous assault.
The grocery bags they have say: "We like to get carried away with food."
A deli-gator!
After eating a whole bunch, he said "I'm hungry" I replied, "you're full of balogna."
SalaaaaaaMIIIIIIIIII!
I told the guy I wanted a pound of sliced turkey, he said fine. He slices it up and gives it to me, then says "be careful with that." I say "why what's wrong with it?" And he says "Oh nothing, just be careful because it's deli-cut."
It was delivered.
My dad and I were at a local delicatessen recently and I was lamenting the increase of prices for the meats since the last time we were there. He told me in order to lower costs, maybe they should outsource who they buy their meats from...
Dad: "The meat would come from Coldcutta, India".
Me: groan
I said do you want to bet on it? He said sad no, the steaks were to high.
My uncle was talking about a new deli that was opening near us, and he goes, "I keep forgetting where, it's a new deli over in-" and my other uncle steps in and goes, "India?"
#1 deli clerk asked #2 deli clerk if the gelato my wife was eating was on the receipt, I looked at her and said " I don't think it was a gelato, it was just a gelittle"
I asked if she preferred a sub sandwich or a hoagie. She said she was holding out for a hero.
Little bit of context to start out. Had just dadjoked my wife mere seconds earlier about me being nervous to turn on the baby monitor since it is displaying c4 for channel 4 and the relation between explosives, what not etc. (you see where that was going)
Anyways, now that her guard is down (I don't think she was expecting a twofer) I pulled out this weird deli crab salad concoction she had just bought at the store, showed it to her and said with a look of disgust on my face, (she knows I don't like the stuff)
Me: "Seriously though, I just have one question for you."
Her: "I know you don't like the stuff I just got enough for me it was on a good sale!"
Me: "What the crab is this?"
Those precious few milliseconds where her expression transitions from confused to eye roll is my favorite part.
(Yes these jokes were all shamelessly planned)
"Have a Slice of Your Life-Deli Meats" says the sign above the deli counter at my local grocery store. Dad thought it was horribly clever. I mean I made the connection ('slice of life', deli meat slices) but who on earth thought that was a brilliant idea for a promotional sign?? Clearly a dad.
I quit cold turkey
I was able quit cold turkey.
