Vest ever pun
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︎ Oct 15 2019
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
π︎ 5k
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Why donβt ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because theyβre full of anty bodies
π︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My boss just told me that Iβm the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
π︎ 13k
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︎ Dec 14 2020
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
π︎ 372
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Ever hear the tale about the angle less than 90 degrees?
π︎ 208
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︎ Dec 26 2020
2020 and 2021 were fighting for the "Worst Year Ever" award.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Donβt ever make Sodium angry.
Otherwise youβll be charged with aggravating a salt.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
If you ever need someone who's terrible at hiding
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Biden will NEVER, EVER be my president
because I live in Canada.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Have you ever seen Mount Rushmore before it was carved?
Its beauty was unpresidented.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
First tattoo i ever did, it was pretty βhardβ wink wink
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Son: Dad, will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
Dad: I just can't see them taking off.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Someone asked me if I would ever stop singing Wonderwall
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︎ Nov 25 2020
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Every person you have ever met..
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 31 2020
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
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︎ Nov 19 2020
If I had a buck for ever deer pun I've made
π︎ 57
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Itβs my first ever cake day!
So you know what that means.... I honestly donβt because I have never had a slice of blue cheese!
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Yo! Did you know the greatest rapper ever was Jewish?
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︎ Dec 14 2020
"Have you ever heard of Joe"? "Who`s Joe"?
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Y'all ever hear of the Christmas alphabet?
ABCDEFGHIJK MNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Ever since 2017, my New Yearβs resolution has been to work on my novel.
Four years going and Iβve almost finished reading it!
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Why don't they ever charge Santa for break and enter?
They can never find probable Clause
π︎ 14
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It's very time consuming.
π︎ 91
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︎ Oct 19 2020
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
π︎ 42
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 24 2020
Why won't Rick Astly ever take his girlfriend out for an ice cream date?
Cuz he'll never dessert you...
π︎ 54
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Have you ever wondered why the winner of all the Miss Universe contest...
...always came from Earth ?
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My terrorists girlfriend said she hadn't ever attempted a suicide bombing
But today I found out jihad
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︎ Dec 17 2020
I donβt think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce
It was a pretty stable relationship
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Why donβt you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because theyβre really good at it.
π︎ 48
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︎ Nov 06 2020
My wife told me, "You're a better husband than I'll ever be."
I responded, "Who the hell is Oliver B.??"
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I don't think I'll ever find a stable job
To be honest I'm not too comfortable around horses.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
The worst pub Iβve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
π︎ 38
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer becauseβ¦
You'll get quacks in the pavement!
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Ever wonder how spider makes a circle-shaped web perfectly?
Because it's sΟder we're talking about.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Why wasnβt Cardinal Sicola ever elected as pope
Because they didnβt want a Pope Sicola
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 14 2020
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined itβs momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Have you ever used an ice pack for a headache?
You should try it. It's a mind numbing experience.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Why canβt you ever surprise Darth Vader at Christmas?
Because he always senses your presents.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Did you know that the first ever French Fry wasnβt cooked in France?
π︎ 211
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︎ Oct 08 2020
If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.
π︎ 255
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︎ Sep 27 2020
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
........and the second one DupliKate.
π︎ 80
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︎ Nov 01 2020
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
Donβt, itβs very time consuming
π︎ 40
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︎ Nov 08 2020
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