One of my friends brags all the time that he can make a perfect circle
An architect friend of mine keeps going on and on and on about how he has designed the greatest skyscraper of all time.
But I think he's built it up too much.
What is the most ground breaking invention of all time?
One of the greatest NBA teams of all time, the 98 Chicago Bowls
What's the most groundbreaking invention of all time?
What type of pants would Mario wear all the time.
I am enjoy chemistry, and ethane is my favourite compound of all time.
It’s just too funny, for it is simply Me-Me.
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
In these times of crisis, we all have to do our part
I already started singing to people from far away.
What about you, are you practicing social distant sing?
By the time my brother got out of the 4th grade, we all knew what he was gonna be when he left high school
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,
I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.
Things have been a bit tense with my wife, with both of us stuck in quarantine all the time. We even had an argument about herbs the other day.
To be honest, it was about thyme.
What’s the best unboxing video of all time?
If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi series of all time is Dr. Who.
If I’m being objective, it’s Dr. Whom.
What part of your body is worried all the time?
I want to drink my coffee, smoke my cigarette, browse reddit on my phone all at the same time but I only have 2 hands. I wish I had another set of hands for this.
I think that would be pretty handy.
My friend used to say this all the time when someone disagreed with an opinion of his. Not sure if it’s appropriate for this sub, but it still makes me laugh when used today.
“Well, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who are, and those who are not, my uncle.”
I've always been a fan of heist movies, but the one involving the bakery has to be one of my favourites of all time.
the greatest pun of all time
I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!
It's my last resort!
Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"
One of my all time favorites
A tribute to this sub’s top post of all time.
A recent text exchange with a friend:
Her: “Hey question”
Me: “Ugh like 10 years and you still don’t even know my name”
Her: “HAHAHAH omg dad”
My kid has a toy set of different biblical characters, but one started talking and now it condescendingly corrects me all the time...
...what a little Noah doll.
Take your time to get all of these
The most dad response of all time
Neighbor: “we have a problem. There is water from your property coming on to my property.”
My dad: “well, you're downhill. your problem isn’t me, it’s gravity.”
...I am shook
edit: missed words
Teacher: Okay class, tell me what scares you most. Let's start with Paul. Paul: Werewolves Nina: Sharks Dylan: The unstoppable march of time that us guiding us all to our inevitable demise.
My favourite dad joke of all time
Me: “Dad, did you get a hair cut?”
Dad: “No son, I got them all cut”
Anyone else have this happen every single time you notice your dads new hair dew? 😂😂
My favorite go-to movie of all time is “The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button.”
I tied all my watches into a belt, it was a waist of time.
Greatest Geode of All Time
Farmers have a hard time being the best because all of them are out standing in their fields
Why are Canadians the fiercest competitors of all time?
They always bring their eh game.
I bought this album called "Best Covers of All Time".
It was rubbish - didn't contain a single wrap song.
Best dad joke of all time?
“I’m just heading to the store, son. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Who’s the smallest basketball player of all time?
Every time it hits noon all around the world there are billions of hands up
I was trying to get my wife to appreciate puns as much as me. I tried everything I could come up with and she didn't even crack a smile! So I googled the top 10 puns of all time. I read every single one to her trying to get her to laugh
All of this criticism and backlash over Eminem's recent verses and punchlines is just the collective groan expected when the greatest rapper of all time starts making epic dad jokes.
FINAL FORM!
DAD'S UNITE!
OUR TIME HAS COME!
Who is the most devilish christian of all time?
I was listening to some of my all time favourites and saw this gem in the comments
My dad told me that back in the day, Jesus had a habit of leaving doors open all the time.
It’s like he was born in a barn or something.
I just made a list of my all time favourite dad jokes. The first 4 are pretty good but the last one's absolute gold.
- pretty good
- pretty good
- pretty good
- pretty good
- absolute gold
The Greatest Dad Joke Of All Time
Be back soon going to go get some smokes.
Who is the most fatigued recording artist of all time?
In a galaxy far far away, who released the greatest rap album of all time?
What is the name of Russia's most famous pop star of all time?
After arriving 1 hour late to picking my wife from work for the third time this week she said “I’ve had it, I’ve lost all of my patients!” And I said “you know what?...
Maybe you should be a better doctor”
I've taken to watching episodes of Friends on multiple screens all at the same time
I just love synchronised Schwimmers
The wheel was the most revolutionary invention of all time.
Hey dad, why do you go fishing all of the time?
My Grandpa's favorite dad joke of all time...
Whenever driving past a cemetery..
Grandpa: How many do you think are dead in there?
Me: I don't know, how many?
Grandpa: I would guess all of them...
Greatest "dad joke" of all time.
Bug smashes into windshield while driving on the highway
Dad- "Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again."
EDIT: grammer errurs.
My son told me that weed could be the worst drug of all time.
I said "pfft, weed is bush league"
My 6yo son me. Me: "Don't eat all of those Swedish fish at once you get a stomachache." Him: "I won't Daddy. I'll eat them one at a time."
Citizen Kane is considered one of the greatest movies of all time largely for it's cinematography. One scene in particular is famous for it's "floor shot" for which they had to literally dig a pit in the middle of the stage to acheive the correct perspective.
I flunked out of college because I spent all my time working on a time machine only to find out it's impossible.
I guess I have no future.
What do you call a guy that can't consume milk and must have a piece of toast by him at all times?
My dad used to draw short, one panel comics all the time, back in the day. This is one of my favorites, I thought it belonged here.
Titled "Assault"
http://imgur.com/P8vQXfo
A classic that my dad used to say all of the time.
Me: Dad, make me a sandwich!
Him: POOF! You're a sandwich!
One of my dad's all time favorites.
Why are music and candy the same?
Because you keep the good stuff and throw away the wrapper!
Night Porter at work with my favourite dadjoke of all time
Receptionist at work had gone to get a glass of water from the bar. As she came around the corner stephen(the night Porter) was coming around at the same time. Startled, she said "oh jesus!" And without missing a beat he said "no, Stephen" and carried on walking. My admiration of the man rocketed.
Who is the greatest film director of all time according to teachers?
My friend got me with the worst knock-knock joke of all time
Friend: Knock-knock.
Me: ...Who's there?
Friend: Daisy.
Me: Daisy wh-
Friend: DAISY ME ROLLIN, DEY HATINNNN
My Favorite Joke of All Time
When in the car going to school he would say "Do you want a Hurt's Donut before you get dropped off?" Me being 9 I would always agree happily because who doesn't like donuts, right? A huge grin appears on his face and then he would proceed to punch me in the arm saying "Hurts don't it?"
Note: he never hit me hard and it was always in good fun
Behold, the greatest film director of all time.....
My dad's version of a well known nursery rhyme. He used to recite this all the time when I was a kid and then proceed to laugh hysterically for several minutes.
Hickory Dickory Dock
Three mice ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
And the other two got away with minor injuries.
ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS
My dad's first dadjoke. Ever. Of all time.
We were in the car when my little brother asks why the 405 freeway is called the 405. Dad replies,"It's called the 405 because it takes 405 hours to get anywhere!" Many a groan were had that day.
If you measure the length of your thumb, you now have a consistent measuring tool with you at all times.
In other words, a consistent rule of thumb.
This Dad: "This will be the greatest Christmas Card of all time"
My dad said stuff like this in front of me and my friends all the time..
"Hey Coltron57, I stood up for you the other day." "You did? What happened?" "Someone said you ate shit sandwiches, I told them you couldn't have, you don't like bread".
My dad's favorite joke of all time.
Knock knock.
who's there?
Little girl.
Little girl who?
Little girl who cant reach the doorbell!
(Chuckles)
My favourite dad joke of all time comes from Mary Poppins!
I Know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.....
I hope you all have a good laugh at it.
http://youtu.be/AexVBs09bjA?t=46s
If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.
If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.
Greatest dad joke of all time?
I am my dad’s greatest joke
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
