What do you call a serial killer who frequently uses puns?
Why do dad jokes often use puns?
What do you call the people who disciplines others who use puns?
Uses Pun, It's Super Effective
Me: Let me see your fan.
Friend: *shows me fan*
Me: I'm much bigger than that. Some might even say your biggest...
Friend: I need you to leave.
I'm writing a story about a minotaur who uses puns.
He cows his enemies with bad jokes.
Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
Sometimes I use big words I don't understand
Just to make me sound more photosynthesis
What toothpaste do they use in jail?
What flavour toothpaste do they use in jails ?
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
Why do astronauts use linux?
because you can't open windows in space.
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
What unit of measure do pirates use?
What do felines use to represent them in court?
Gimme some sweet karma for an account I'll never use again
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
When company uses a pun on their product, I’m sold.
When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?
Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.
My wife asked me which paddle I wanted to use in the boat...
When I was much younger, I asked my dad, "Can I use the lawnmower to make some extra money?"
"Sure, go ahead."
So, I sold it.💰
What reptile uses the phone a lot?
Don't use raw milk to make butter
What pronouns do chocolate bars use?
Why did the alligator use the elevator?
Why don’t trees use the train?
They can never find a root.
Why can't jedi use the Kelvin scale?
Because only a sith deals in absolutes
Teacher: use "officiate" in a sentence
Studend: A man got sick because of a fish he ate.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist use the bathroom?
The P is silent!
.
Edit: thanks for the hugz award!
Why did the nurse use a red pen?
They wanted to draw blood
The road markings are barely visible after years of use
but there are already nuance on the way.
Why did the lier use the restroom?
Because they're full of shit.
Which program do jedi use to open PDFs?
Did you know you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password?
Apparently it's not stroganoff
What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?
What kind of weapons do fleas use?
I was taught to never use the Oxford comma
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
Do not use “Beefstew” as your computer password
Why don't they use loud music in aquariums?
Because the fishes might get a herring problem
I had an argument with my brother about how to get to the next floor in the mall because he refused to use the stairs or the elevator
My next thought was: "Well, that escalated quickly"
You know people use a bag of rocks as a metaphor for being stupid....
But it took one stone to figure out the theory of relativity.
What do Woodlouses use when they want to listen to a mp3 file?
Why do astronauts use linux?
Because they can't open windows
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
Sometimes I use big words I don’t fully understand.
It makes me sound more photosynthesis.
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