Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...

I guess I have to keep holding it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?

Paddy O’furniture

πŸ‘︎ 642
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What unit of measure do pirates use?

YARRRDS

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbrasky43
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trwyncudd
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
In terms of land use

Cemeteries are just dead space

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you only have a little butter left and you use it all on one last piece of toast?

Butter, then nothing

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SubstantialBelly6
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.

It usually resulted in a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 776
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Know why they use knots instead of miles in the ocean?

Because they've got to keep the ocean tide.

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."

She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
They finally released the film on the use of clocks in concrete water barriers.

It's about dam time!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnamflah
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
The road markings are barely visible after years of use

but there are already nuance on the way.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicolas_watson
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of weapons do fleas use?

Small arms 😁

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
You know people use a bag of rocks as a metaphor for being stupid....

But it took one stone to figure out the theory of relativity.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyberohero
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Some guys are talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one of the friends say "I sit down when I pee"

Another friend proceeds to curse and weep at the first friend yelling "I though you were a stand-up guy!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarfbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of weapon does a rabbi use?

A cirumscythe

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spycrabpuppet123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine planned to use balloons to propose to his internet girlfriend, but then they finally met face to face.

He immediately popped the question.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I won’t get to use my water cannon of doom

Water shame

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doomboy1808
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of image format do lion photographers use?

RAWR

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfinitySandwich
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did NASA use numbers instead of letters for the Apollo series?

Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colevanders
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I read that 25% of toddlers in America know how to use an iPad.

Whilst 100% of toddlers in China know how to make one.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of toothpaste does a wave use?

Crest toothpaste, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanes77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
You should only use one square of toilet paper when you use the bathroom.

That’s all it takes to get it out from under your fingernails

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LTenaciouSD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of weapon does a paramedic use?

An ambu-lance.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpvboii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
You should never use the plural of a word when you should be using the singular

Amen

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?

Lucky Charms.

Happy St Patrick's Day everyone!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of fax machine did the Trump Administration use?

An alternative facts machine.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobbitinterrupted
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I use a lot of the jokes from here, but I always tell folks where I got them.

Just giving cReddit where it's due.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my personal trainer at the gym, which type of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?

He suggested, the cash machine .

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of glue can you use to hold ice blocks together?

igloo

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Curse the creator of autocorrect! I asked my friend what the best shampoo to use was, and he replied β€œPanettone”.

That was last Tuesday, and I still haven’t got all the crumbs out of my hair.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manpag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?

Triple Eh

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrgonz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...

The 'Times' are rough

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.

It’s a real head scratcher.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
If you wanted to take a bunch of bullets and forge them into a sword fit for a king what Caliber would you use?

Excalibur

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.

It sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?

A-spear-iguess

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Distractednoodle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.

The plumber told me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A judicious use of the board.
πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of phone does David Berkowitz use?

Sung of Sam.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trashconverters
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of self defence do vegans use?

Tofu

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why anyone would use a club instead of a sword

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pksage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...

Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What Kind Of Plastic Does A Clown Use?

Sillycone!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Matt4307
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of phone does a burglar use?

A no-key-a

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment - Dad what type of sandpaper does the dog use?

Woof ones

5 year old daughters joke, so proud :)

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ship’s cat use instead of a litter box?

The poop deck.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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