What’s it called when I sneak my favorite soda into a long, boring musical?

Fanta of the opera.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My Dad’s sister got eaten by a lion with a long nose

It was an aunt-eater

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoswede
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. β€œSomething for this I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

β€œSomething I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

β€œThat’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. β€œI’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

β€œMaster Yoda!” he asks. β€œWhat did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, β€œA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?

Because it’s head is so far away from it’s body.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stuphoria
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, most useful when erect, and contains the letters p,n,e,s,i?

Spine

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivytheblindhusky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s been a long running tradition for my family to, once a year, jog to the nearest clothes store and back

I guess it just runs in the jeans

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Friend 1: So how’s your long distance relationship going?

Friend 2: So far, so good

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twistyturtles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy pulled off a 5-month long con with a hidden fake mustache just to make a dad-joke pun...and it’s amazing
πŸ‘︎ 529
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreekAlphabetSoup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that’s exactly 3.14 meters long?

A Ο€thon

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gquinn18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s big, long and has cum in it?

Cucumber

...your sick!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ithinkhisnameis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
That’s it, I’ve observed long enough!! Now it’s time to take:
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
A girl I’m dating owns a bakery and works long hours. I don’t think it’s going to work out.

She’s too kneady.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe!

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daresun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long

A Ο€-thon

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/9swx4t/math_joke/

πŸ‘︎ 394
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lorhill
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
It’s funny because the dog has a long nose
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamisDum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I have long shelf in my kitchen where i put the meat at the top. It’s safe to say...

The steaks are high.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the best kind of booze if you want to dance all night long?

Wild Twerky

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brisquet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s the end of work on Friday, it’s been a long week, and all my bones are just like the capital city of the Holy Roman Empire.

They’re Aachen.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dymmesdale
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s long, brown and sticky?

A stick.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been working a long time. My job is hard, unfulfilling and honestly, doesn’t pay that great. I think it’s time for a change of pace for me. I’ve decided to go into a completely different direction and become a pig rancher.

It’s the only way I can bring home the bacon.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An_Imperfect_Guy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross... reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarPrince
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œI’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says to this guy. β€œYou’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” β€œOh, that’s terrible!” says the man. β€œGive it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?” β€œTen…” the doctor says slowly.

β€œNine... eight… seven...”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Princessofthepeen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
This guy pulled off a 5-month long con with a hidden fake mustache just to make a dad joke...and it’s truly amazing

https://i.imgur.com/O6ePcMG.jpg

I can’t imagine what that guy is doing now...what left is there to do in life after reaching the pinnacle of dad jokes.

An inspiration to us all.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreekAlphabetSoup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
After years of trying I have decided to give up on my life long dream of becoming a world renowned spaghetti chef. It’s time to move on and stop living in ...
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darlosworld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s ok to ask about another man’s rod so long as he’s fishing.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: There’s a long lost episode where Superman nearly dies because of an ill-fitting costume.

He had a narrow S cape.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was about to play cards after a long day’s work, but I found the aces missing.

I just can’t deal with this any more.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
The Sun’s Long Lost Dad

Sun - β€œHey Earth”

Earth - β€œHey Sun”

Sun - β€œ...”

Earth - β€œ...”

Sun - β€œDad?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Barney_W_S
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Drives by railroad crossing: a train came through here not to long ago. It’s tracks are still here
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/420rubberducky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Does anyone for how long ground beef has to be on the floor before it’s ready?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nose that’s 12 inches long?

A foot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shelbyyllee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
After a long, hard day’s worth of work I love to wind down by watching low-effort zombie movies and tv shows.

They’re all pretty brainless.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uzersk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, do you think mom will ever come back?” β€œWho knows son, women are fickle creatures.” β€œShe’s been gone so long. Do you miss her?”

β€œI do son, but men aren’t allowed in the ladies changing rooms.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s long hard and full of seamen?

A submarine!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 metres long?

A Ο€-thon

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/priv_rex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s long, brown, and sticky?

A stick

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doge_the_dogey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 metres long?

A Ο€-thon

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/priv_rex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
How long is a chinaman’s name
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gumbystruck
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you have a nose that’s 12 inches long?

because then it would be a foot.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epicjaja
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long? A pi-thon
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jikle-jack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report

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