My brotherβs pun game is strong...
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︎ Jun 23 2020
There was a man who entered a local paperβs pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at ο»Ώleast one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, ο»Ώno pun in ten did.
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︎ Apr 05 2017
The genie asked, "Whatβs your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "Whatβs your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Itβs a barbie queue
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Itβs funny cause itβs true.
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My wife asked, βIf someoneβs body just isnβt fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?β
I told her I think itβs worth a shot
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Whatβs a more concrete term for butt crack?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Nov 03 2020
If thereβs a line of gay people, itβs not a straight line...
π︎ 1k
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Why did the wizardβs wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.
π︎ 14k
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︎ Oct 28 2020
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
π︎ 614
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatβs the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
π︎ 15k
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Whatβs the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
π︎ 13k
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︎ Oct 25 2020
My wifeβs mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers
I honestly didnβt even know she sold flowers
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︎ Nov 25 2020
What are you called if you are shopping at an Apple store when itβs robbed?
π︎ 160
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︎ Dec 21 2020
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
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︎ Dec 27 2020
How does James Bondβs doorbell introduce itself?
π︎ 161
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Because itβs true
π︎ 4k
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Itβs a sad day but my kitchenaid mixer motor has finally died. I couldnβt whisk for a batter friend.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Whatβs every elfβs favorite type of music?
π︎ 40
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︎ Dec 25 2020
What do you call a knight thatβs afraid to fight ?
π︎ 161
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Me: Someone told me that thereβs a fruit thatβs an excellent source of potassium.
Her: Thatβs bananas.
Me: Yeah, I was shocked too.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Did you hear about the mathematician whoβs afraid of negative numbers?
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Itβs the lighter fluid
π︎ 6k
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santaβs workshop?
Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when itβs raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know when itβs raining in Sweden?
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︎ Nov 08 2020
If pronouncing all my "V"s like "B"s, makes me sound Russian...
π︎ 12k
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Where did Noah put all the beeβs in his Ark?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Hereβs a little early access to a pun I made. Iβm not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
π︎ 50
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I canβt believe itβs not...
π︎ 6k
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Whatβs the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirtbag
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Whatβs the coolest letter?
βBβ cause itβs surrounded by A/C.
π︎ 160
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Where thereβs a will
π︎ 4k
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︎ Sep 19 2020
What do you call a hen thatβs good at arithmetic?
π︎ 97
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︎ Dec 10 2020
A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
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︎ Sep 17 2020
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, βDo you want to hear todayβs special?β
I said, βYes please.β
Waiter: βNo problem sir. Today is special.β
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
π︎ 17k
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Whatβs a clones favorite letter?
π︎ 70
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︎ Dec 12 2020
Jack: Howβs it going? Beans: Pretty good
π︎ 13k
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︎ Sep 10 2020
thereβs an impasta among us
π︎ 34
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Hmmm thatβs suspicious
π︎ 41
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Why is Santaβs sack so big?
.....because he only comes once per year.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My dads new girlfriend corrected me and said her name is Cindy with an S
I think she has multiple personalities. How many Cindy's is she?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Everybody knows about Murphyβs Law, but far fewer people are aware of Coleβs Law
Itβs finely shredded cabbage in mayonnaise.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I went to the first meeting of my premature ejaculatorβs support group this morning..
Turns out itβs tomorrow.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Karenβs refuse to wear masks
I guess they are not Karen for themselves
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Whatβs it called when you kill chickpeas?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Oct 20 2020
The only people to show up to my friendβs funeral were some of his one night stands and some friends from church.
π︎ 655
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︎ Nov 18 2020
My new horseβs name is Mayo.
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︎ Dec 19 2020
I said to my daughter, βItβs time for bed, the cows are asleep in the fieldβ. She asked βwhatβs that got to do with anythingβ?
I said βItβs pasture bedtimeβ.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
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