A-door-able Valentine’s Puns
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aestheticworkshop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother’s pun game is strong...
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/firemaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns hoping at ο»Ώleast one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, ο»Ώno pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeNerdNextDoor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
🚨︎ report
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,

β€œthank you for your cervix.”

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rusto_Dusto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
That’s a moray
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whicky1978
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife called me at work and said β€œit’s time, the baby is coming”

I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!

(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stairsmaster
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Pandora’s box wasn’t actually a box.

In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/christiescrubbs
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?

Outlaws are wanted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma’s a pause at the end of a clause.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, β€œGo to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, β€œWhat’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."

"It’s pasture bedtime!”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad wanted to post something on Reddit and I told him there’s specific subs he would want to post on and certain ways to post

And he responded β€œoh so there’s reddiquette to it then”

(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BoutTreeeFiddy
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me nothing rhymes with orange. I told her she’s wrong.

Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marfalump
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?

If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack

She doesn’t know it yet, but her thyme’s cumin

πŸ‘︎ 320
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
He’s wright!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s kind of sad that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

πŸ‘︎ 497
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s sad the neighborhood went down the crapper
πŸ‘︎ 522
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakinBacon64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
At least he’s trying
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ogkerung
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œSo what’s it like living in the mountains?”

It’s got it’s ups and downs

πŸ‘︎ 297
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Im-Not-dead-yet1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an acid that’s a bully?

a-mean-o acids.

πŸ‘︎ 181
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zoyaabean
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDistrict1
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 917
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Boss can’t see her employee’s hard work
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the leading cause of dry skin

Towels

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of a cannibal?

A can’tible

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Westerfield
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe it’s not butter!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mortician that steals dead people’s underwear?

An Undietaker.

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotGolfTips
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: the earth isn’t flat. Fiat Earther: correct. Me: huh? Fiat Earther: it’s the shape an italian car. Me: what?

Fiat Earther: you read my name wrong didn’t you?

πŸ‘︎ 212
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/5am281
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s an alcoholic’s favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blond5
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 786
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My mom thanked me for coming to visit for Mother’s Day.

I said β€œthanks for having me.”

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sellwinerugs
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
So I asked my dad one day: β€œWhat’s a forklift?”

And he said β€œfood usually”.

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
The sky’s the limit
πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I am at the waiting room of the doctor’s office, wondering when my girlfriend’s checkup will be over.

Sitting at the Doc of the Bae, wasting time.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
"What’s your name, son?"

The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."

"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.

The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

πŸ‘︎ 677
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aye_its_soya
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between Jelly and Jam?

I’ve never jelly’d my finger in a door before

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fakesowdy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
what did the cell say when it’s sister stepped on it’s foot

ouch mitosis

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nevaehdiastae
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s a complex complex.
πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
That’s just plumb funny.
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danlyman_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s too late to make Suez Canal jokes now

That ship has sailed

πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerTechNZ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Who’s the richest fish in the world?

Gill Gates, the flounder of Mackerelsoft!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amazingstacy23
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
May the Fourth be with you! Today’s Argyle Sweater, 5/4/21
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDorkKnight53
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when all the smart people get vaccinated?

Nerd Immunity

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Travis-Tarbox
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I signed up for my company’s 401k

But I’m nervous because I’ve never ran that far before.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop singing β€œI’m a believer” because it’s annoying. At first I thought she was kidding...

But then I saw her face.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cigarandcreamsoda
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve just bought a Van Gogh coffee table... I know it’s genuine because . . .

it has a bit of veneer missing.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.